My ex is way behind on child support. In the past, his wife allowed their joint tax return to be taken to cover some of it, but she stopped because she’s tired of him not contributing to their home. Honestly, I don’t blame her. It’s her money, and I wouldn’t expect her to pay his debt.
He’s also been lying for years about filing for disability, claiming he was stuck dealing with paperwork, but it turns out he never actually applied.
Now, I just don’t understand how he’s been able to fall this far behind without facing real consequences. He’s already on probation for drug charges, and now he’s in jail for violating probation from a domestic violence charge last summer. He’s probably going to prison.
Am I just out of luck here? He hasn’t followed anything in our parenting plan—no child support, no health insurance, doesn’t cover half of extracurriculars. My kids are 17 and 16, and they’ve been done with him for a long time. I don’t blame them at all.
At this point, I’d take any payment, especially with my oldest going to college soon. Just trying to figure out if there’s anything I can do.
Since he’s been in jail and now prison, he hasn’t been able to pay, and when he gets out, he probably still won’t have a way to pay. I get how unfair this is for you, but at some point, you have to ask yourself what you realistically expect to happen.
It sucks that he’s a deadbeat, but the reality is, he’s not likely to get a job that pays enough for you to see any real money. Any punishment he gets will only make it harder for him to work, which makes it even harder for you to get paid.
I completely understand wanting him to face consequences. But in the end, that doesn’t put money in your pocket.
One more thing—if you haven’t already, keep your kids out of this mess. Speaking from experience, my mom always talked about how my dad never paid and kept complaining about it, even when we were adults. She said we’d understand one day, but honestly, we never did. He was a loser, but she got by without him, and when she kept trying to take every tax return he got, it actually made us feel bad for him. If you’re ever tempted to vent to your kids, just don’t. Let him ruin his own relationship with them.
@Alina
This is a really practical way to look at it. At some point, you have to accept that getting money from him just isn’t realistic. You can get angry about it, but what does that really do? Sometimes, you just have to let it go and move forward.
@Brandy
In my case, they actually did take the arrears out of my ex’s SSDI. My regular child support payments stopped, but I got every penny he owed me. Plus, my daughter got extra benefits because he was on disability.
You’re not alone. My ex will be $12k behind by the end of the month. They’ve tried everything except prosecuting him.
At the end of the day, if the state has done everything they can and he still refuses to pay, there’s not much else they can do. My ex has no license, no passport, liens on everything, and they still haven’t been able to get him to pay.
If by ‘screwed’ you mean they can’t take money he doesn’t have, then yeah, you’re stuck. He’ll keep owing, and interest will pile up. Maybe one day, if he ever gets out or starts getting social security, you’ll see something.
@Ivy
Exactly. Don’t agree to any modifications—just let it sit there. If he ever gets a tax refund or wins the lottery, you’ll be first in line to collect.
I actually saw this happen. My ex barely paid anything for years, and then one day, all $12k in back support got paid at once because he needed a passport. Out of nowhere, he ‘found’ the money.