Anyone Falsely Accused? How Did You Handle It?

Custody and Visitation Forum
1

Hey everyone,

I was wondering if anyone here has dealt with false accusations and what happened in your case.

Quick backstory—My ex-wife and I were together for almost 10 years, married for 5. We split up in our late 20s, and when we divorced, I didn’t hire a lawyer. I just signed whatever she sent over because I wanted out. I agreed to her having sole custody, and I got standard visitation (1st, 3rd, and 5th weekends).

For almost five years, things were fine. We co-parented well, did birthday parties together, and I ended up getting more time than the court order actually stated (Thursday after school until Monday after school). I also helped pay for extra stuff—sports, birthdays, coaching, etc. She got remarried, and I supported that. She had another child, and I was happy for her.

Things started going downhill when she pushed my child to call her new husband ‘Dad’ or ‘Second Dad.’ I told her I wasn’t okay with that, but she brushed me off. Over time, tension built, and it all exploded when I witnessed her husband yelling at my child in public after a sports event. They thought I had left, but I was right behind them. I tried to bring it up with her, but she dismissed it. Then she demanded an in-person meeting with her and her husband. I told her I’d discuss it over the phone or on video chat, but she refused and said she wouldn’t let me see my child until we met face-to-face.

Turns out, the original custody paperwork allowed her to deny my visitation whenever she wanted. I never realized that because we didn’t follow the paperwork for years. She ended up keeping my child from me for a month and a half, which forced me to go back to court for a modification.

During the temporary order process, her lawyer suddenly claimed I was an alcoholic and tried to get monitoring put on me. I barely drink, and if I do, it’s socially. My lawyer said that since I had originally given her sole custody, proving I’m not an alcoholic would help my case. I agreed to do a Soberlink test whenever I had my child. In fact, I’ve been voluntarily testing every single day, even when I don’t have my child, just to prove my point.

She’s already agreed to change our status to joint custody, but I want the monitoring requirement removed. My question is—how long should I keep doing this before telling my lawyer I’ve done enough to prove my case?

2

Make sure the new custody order is crystal clear—things like splitting extra costs, tax claims, health insurance, holidays, school and medical records access. Also, if she can’t watch your child, you should get first rights before a relative or babysitter. Plus, you should be allowed to talk to your child when they’re with her (like a video call each day). And definitely get something in writing that no one else can be called ‘Dad.’

You need to protect yourself so she doesn’t try to push you out of your child’s life again.

3

You should ask for a custody arrangement that reflects what you were actually doing—extended first, third, and fifth weekends.

Honestly, the Soberlink thing should have been fought harder because there’s no DUI or any evidence. But agreeing to it shows you’re cooperative and have nothing to hide.

The fact that she kept your child from you for over a month with no valid reason doesn’t look good on her. If anything, this might be a good time to push for even more custody since you’ve proven you’re actively involved—coaching, paying for extra stuff without being forced, never missing child support. Maybe even a week-on, week-off arrangement?

And if you haven’t already, I’d stop doing joint birthday parties. With someone like her, that just creates more problems.

4

@Marley
Good points! When I filed for modification, all I asked for was joint custody and to remove the part where she can deny visitation whenever she wants. But now I’m thinking I should also request the schedule we were actually following before she pulled this stunt.

I always pay my child support, I’m involved in sports, no criminal record, nothing on my history related to alcohol. I even paid for half of my child’s birthday party—only for her to withhold them from me that weekend. That was my child’s 7th birthday, and I was heartbroken. Never doing that again, but I refuse to let this situation affect my child negatively.

5

You’ve already proven your point. Stop giving in to her nonsense. She knows she’s making stuff up, and so do you.

6

Drew said:
You’ve already proven your point. Stop giving in to her nonsense. She knows she’s making stuff up, and so do you.

Thanks! I’ll talk to my lawyer and push to have this removed. I’ve been doing it daily for two months now, even on days I don’t have my child. I just wasn’t sure if that was ‘enough’ proof. It’s crazy how none of this ever came up before I filed for modification.

7

Just ask your lawyer. A month? Two? I doubt you need to do it much longer. If you were actually an alcoholic, two months of testing would’ve exposed it by now.

But make sure this doesn’t end up in the final custody order. Her false accusation shouldn’t turn into something you have to deal with forever.

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@Serenity
That’s exactly what I’m worried about! My lawyer didn’t give a clear answer on how long I should keep doing it, just said it wouldn’t take ‘too long’ to prove my case. I’ve been doing it every day for a month and a half now, just wasn’t sure when I should push back and say ‘enough is enough.’

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@Ruby
I wouldn’t stress about the timeline as long as you make it clear that you will NOT agree to have this in the final order. If you have to keep testing until court, fine. But don’t let this become a permanent condition.

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@Serenity
Oh, I’m not stopping. I know she’s lying, and I’ll keep proving it until this gets removed. It’s just frustrating because this all started when she tried to force my child to call her husband ‘Dad.’ I get that he’s part of my child’s life, and that’s fine, but I’m a fully present parent. I won’t let her push me out.

She never once mentioned anything about alcohol before I filed for modification. No complaints, no concerns, no incidents—just an attempt to manipulate the situation. I just want to make sure the judge sees that.

11

@Ruby
I think the judge will see right through this. Family court sees a lot of these dirty tricks.

Is anything being done about the stepdad yelling at your child? You could request that it be addressed in the new custody agreement. Maybe even ask for therapy for your child so they have someone to talk to about everything they’re dealing with.

Hope everything works out for you. This situation sucks!