Hey all, so my 12-year-old daughter lives with me in South Carolina, and my ex-husband sees her maybe 10 nights a year (his choice). He’s planning to move to Colorado with his wife and baby, and now he’s asking if he can fly her out there for the summers. I know she’s gonna hate it though—she has a hard time with big changes and doesn’t really bond with him. She’s used to being with me, and whenever she visits him, it’s just her watching TV alone. I’m worried this could mess with her emotionally. Am I legally required to let her go for the summer, or can I stop it? Also, if she goes, will child support change? What should I do to prepare for all this? He works in law enforcement, so I’m sure he knows his way around the system… I’m really stressed about this.
Ugh, that sounds so tough! Honestly, without a custody order in place, he can probably take her if he wants to. You should definitely consider filing for a custody agreement though, just to have something official in place. If you don’t, he could stop paying child support and force you to go through the courts. I’d recommend talking to a family lawyer asap to figure out your next move.
@Suki
I agree with DEF, you should get something in writing. He might be able to make this happen legally, but if you go to court, you can at least make sure your daughter’s wishes are heard. Courts often take the child’s feelings into account, especially if they’re old enough to speak for themselves.
@Jonah
Yeah, that’s what I’m thinking too. My daughter is around the same age, and when we went to court over something similar, the judge listened to her. They didn’t just ignore what she said. So if your daughter is really against it, that might help.
I get why you’re worried about her, but if she’s never been away for that long, the judge might think it’s too much of a jump. Maybe you can ask the court to consider her not having a strong bond with him, especially since she’s not used to long visits. Could help if you want to stop this whole thing.
@Haze
I think you’re right. And if you get a lawyer, they can help frame things better. There’s a lot to consider, especially if she’s emotionally sensitive about it. They’ll probably look at her mental health too.
Has she told you directly that she doesn’t want to go? Courts usually want to hear directly from the kid around 13 or 14, so it’s important to have her express her feelings. That could really help your case.
@Oakley
Yeah, good point. I’ve heard that they’ll interview the kid at that age. If she’s really against going, that could carry weight.
The tricky part here is if you say no and he decides to fight it in court. You’re in a tough spot since there’s no court order. If he files for custody or visitation, he could potentially take you to court over this, and that might change everything. I’d say talk to a lawyer soon.
@Dorothy
Definitely talk to a lawyer before things get more complicated. Even though he seems confident, the court could still side with you, especially if you present her emotional needs well.
It might feel like you’re cornered, but the court can look at how he treats her during visits. If he’s not bonding with her or if she’s not comfortable, that could work in your favor. I’d just make sure to document everything about her current visits, so you have proof if needed.
@Willow
Yeah, keeping track of those details is a good idea. The judge might want to see how she feels when she comes back from visits. If she’s consistently unhappy, that could be a big factor in the decision.