My husband and I are separating legally, and we have two kids (4 and 5). We agreed that I’ll have them full-time, but we’ll share legal decision-making 50/50. He’s covering our rent, car payment, and utilities. Since those expenses are way more than what child support would be, we were hoping to skip the official child support process.
Is this even possible? Or will the state step in and require it anyway?
If you or the kids are on any government assistance or state health insurance, they’ll probably require child support to be set up.
Also, if he ever stops paying, you’d have no way to enforce it like you would with official child support. If something changes—he loses his job, remarries, etc.—you could be left scrambling.
Have you figured out who’s handling insurance, medical expenses, daycare, school costs, and activities? Those things add up fast.
This kind of arrangement works fine… until it doesn’t. My ex paid for everything at first, then his new wife got involved, and suddenly, he wasn’t working, and she refused to pay his child support. It got so bad that he ended up in jail—three times.
You need a legal agreement. If things go south later, you’ll be glad you have something solid to fall back on. Also, make sure one of you has final say over medical decisions and school choices. You might agree now, but that could change, and waiting months for a court to decide isn’t ideal.
If he stops paying, you have no way to force him to keep up with it. Child support is enforceable, but an informal deal like this isn’t.
What’s your plan if he stops paying? Better to have it set up as child support so you have legal backing.
You should put a tiebreaker in place for medical decisions. 50/50 sounds good, but disagreements happen. You don’t want important medical stuff delayed because neither of you can agree.
I don’t think this will hold up long-term. Courts usually see child support as the child’s right, not something you can waive.
Daire said:
I don’t think this will hold up long-term. Courts usually see child support as the child’s right, not something you can waive.
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Maybe label part of what he’s paying as child support and call the rest something else? Courts might accept that if it’s written properly.
Is he planning to pay your rent forever? What happens when he decides he’s done?
This setup is fine as a temporary agreement, but when you finalize everything, you might want to rethink it. Is he really going to pay all these bills forever? Probably not.
Also, child support isn’t something you can just waive—it’s for the kids, not for you. You can agree on things now to keep things smooth, but if he ever stops paying, you’ll probably end up in court filing for it anyway.
@Bela
People always say child support is ‘for the benefit of the child,’ but let’s be real—it’s just how the system works. Everything else you said is spot on, though.
You can agree not to take child support if you want. If he’s paying all those bills, that’s already a lot, and it might not make sense to ask for more. Just be sure you trust him to stick to it long-term.
@Indy
Or you could just call what he’s paying child support and make it official. You don’t have to use the exact number the calculator gives you—agreements can be flexible.