Can I file a Request For Order (while awaiting divorce proceedings)

Hello all, sorry, this may be a bit long. I (33F) have filed for divorce from my STBX (42M) after 12 years of marriage in the state of California. I filed last month and am representing myself. The filings are confusing and I am no lawyer so i was trying to take some time to gather some more documentation before I file an amended petition and get my ex served. However, this is a very complicated case. We share 4 biological children together, all under the age of 13, and we share a martial home and martial assets. About 2 years ago my ex lost his 6 figure job, got fired from it and proceeded to never look for another. But prior to that, he was the breadwinner for the family and I contributed in non-financial ways, working full time for only about 2 years of the marriage, and the rest of my jobs being part time. I am currently an educator and in grad school to get a better job. So money is tight. I’ve begged and pleaded for my spouse to get another job but he has refused. Which has sort of lead to me filing. Because he has decided he no longer needs to support the family. When he parted ways from his old company, he received a pension. Money he will not disclose to me how much is left, and is currently paying the bills with that. I have no agreed with this and I felt we should save that money and he get another job. But instead, I am now working mostly full time and we pay the bills with my very limited salary and the pension money. I have asked him to stop doing this but he doesn’t agree or listen. I have tried to communicate about the finances but it’s a dead end.

My ex also has substance abuse. He is a very heavy drinker. He has been for most of our children’s lives, only quitting briefly here and there. This has made for a very rocky relationship. I do not attempt to control him/his drinking or what he does anymore because I have already made it clear of my intentions of divorce him. However, he has not been communicating with me properly about finances, custody or anything of that nature. We are still under the same roof but I moved myself to a different floor of the house when things got volatile. Both levels of the home are connected and kids can come and go. I’ve wanted a more predictable schedule for the kids but he refuses. This past weekend, the kids wanted to come sleep downstairs with me. He became so angry (in front of our children) started filming me and threatening to call the cops on me, stating “I’d kidnapped the kids from their martial beds.” I did not engage. But the kids ended up jumping in “calling him mean dad and leave us alone.” It was tense! And lead me to believe we cannot remain under the same roof anymore.

My question is, can I file a request for order to get things temporarily figured out while we work out the divorce long term.? With his substance abuse and refusal to work, i think the healthiest option is I stay in the home with the children. I take care of our 4 kids, make their lunches, schedule all medical appointments, help with school work, schedule play dates, etc. He barely leaves the bed, unless to give a ride to the kids to school, and that’s only because we are still sharing a car because he refuses to fix his car that broke down. I want him temporarily removed from the home, while he gets treatment for his substance and gets another job to support his kids. He says I’m not allowed to do this and if anyone should leave it should be me. Since he purchased the home when we were just dating, although we always had a joint bank account and I have contributed to the home both financially and other ways prior to the marriage, so we’re talking maybe 2 years of equity I wouldn’t be entitled to.

Why would he leave the home he purchased before you were married? My advice, take the kids to an apartment and start paying for that instead of the mortgage. Build a new life, and when it comes time to go to court it will be easier to prove you’re the custodial parent

@Jae
We bought the house together. We were in a committed relationship and already had joint accounts. Just were engaged only and it was easier for him to secure the loan on his own without me since my credit wasn’t the best. But every dollar I owned was contributed to that joint account, which paid for the house.

@Noor
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This is way above the pay grade of anybody on this forum. You need an attorney. You need an attorney yesterday. And you need to stop taking advice from your opponent in a legal battle.

Blaine said:
This is way above the pay grade of anybody on this forum. You need an attorney. You need an attorney yesterday. And you need to stop taking advice from your opponent in a legal battle.

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This is very complicated and really needs a lawyer.

Drue said:
This is very complicated and really needs a lawyer.

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Most people here are not lawyers. I am a lawyer, not your lawyer and not in your jurisdiction.

You need a lawyer.

Ben said:
Most people here are not lawyers. I am a lawyer, not your lawyer and not in your jurisdiction.

You need a lawyer.

Ditto

Urbana said:

Ben said:
Most people here are not lawyers. I am a lawyer, not your lawyer and not in your jurisdiction.

You need a lawyer.

Ditto

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You really need an attorney. Check with local women’s shelters or legal aid offices to see if there is help for you. This is not a diy thing.

Ciel said:
You really need an attorney. Check with local women’s shelters or legal aid offices to see if there is help for you. This is not a diy thing.

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The court likely won’t make him leave. They don’t know who is going to get the house in the divorce or custody of the kids. Also, whoever leave normally loses custody of the kids. So if he wants to try to get custody, he isn’t going to agree to leave on his own.

@Voss
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