Hey everyone, I have a meeting with a lawyer this week, but I’m feeling really anxious. Do I even have a case here? My son is 6 and has severe disabilities. His father has barely been in the picture—one message in two years and no visits since 2022. He doesn’t show up for appointments, surgeries, or anything else. We’ve been apart since 2019, and he’s basically disappeared. There’s no custody order in place, but I want to see if I can get his rights terminated. He has a long history of alcohol abuse, and his recent ex-wife told me he’s still drinking heavily. Does anyone know if I even have a shot at this?
Courts don’t just take away parental rights because someone wants them gone. Usually, there has to be someone willing to step in, like a stepparent who wants to adopt.
Honestly, almost zero chance. Most states don’t like creating single-parent situations unless there’s someone else ready to take over, especially because of child support.
Do you get child support from him? Do you have a partner who wants to adopt your son? If he’s already out of the picture, what do you gain from terminating his rights? Just trying to understand what’s best for your child in this case.
If you’re in Missouri, termination is nearly impossible. If you’re worried about what happens if you pass away, make a will and get a big life insurance policy. Name a trusted guardian who can fight for custody if needed. If there’s enough money involved, your ex might just give up.
@Jessie
Even if you name a guardian in your will, it doesn’t mean the court will honor it. If you pass away, custody goes to the father unless a court already approved a different plan. You’d need to get legal approval ahead of time, and that’s not always an option.
A better plan is making sure your son has strong relationships with your side of the family. If something happens to you, they’ll have standing to fight for custody. I went through this process myself, and every lawyer I spoke to told me that getting court approval for a different guardian is really hard.
@Sadie
So basically, you’re saying the only real way to make this work is by having a lot of money in place for legal fights if it comes to that.
Jessie said:
@Sadie
So basically, you’re saying the only real way to make this work is by having a lot of money in place for legal fights if it comes to that.
Pretty much. If you can afford it, talk to a lawyer about setting up a trust for your son. That way, any money you leave behind is protected, and your ex can’t get his hands on it. The best thing you can do is make sure your child has a stable and supportive environment with people who will step up if needed.
Are you sure you want to go down this road? He’s been out of your kid’s life for years. Pushing for legal action could make him suddenly interested.
Rachel said:
Are you sure you want to go down this road? He’s been out of your kid’s life for years. Pushing for legal action could make him suddenly interested.
Yeah, that’s exactly why I haven’t done anything yet. It’s tough. My biggest fear is that if something happens to me, my son will end up with him.
@Skylar
That makes sense. You could set up a trust so your money goes to someone you trust to take care of your son, not to your ex. Since your son may need public assistance in the future, you should talk to an estate lawyer who knows about setting up trusts for kids with disabilities. That way, the money can be used for your son’s benefit without messing up his eligibility for assistance.
The only thing you probably can’t control is Social Security survivor benefits—if you pass away, the father may still have access to those on your son’s behalf.
Honestly, in your situation, terminating the father’s rights might actually be the best thing for your son. A good custody lawyer in your state could tell you if this is even possible.
Have you asked him if he’d voluntarily give up his rights?
Brinley said:
Have you asked him if he’d voluntarily give up his rights?
From what I found, in PA, parental rights can be terminated if there is repeated and ongoing neglect, abuse, or refusal to provide care, and if the situation isn’t likely to change. Based on what you’ve said, that might apply, but you’d need a lawyer to confirm.
You might be able to get full custody and limit his contact to supervised visits.
But actually terminating his rights? That’s really hard unless you have a spouse who wants to adopt your son.
A good family lawyer in your area can tell you if you have a chance.