My wife and I picked up my stepkid from school today and noticed bruises on both of their upper arms, like someone had grabbed them hard. They were with their dad last night, and the teachers at school didn’t report anything happening during the day.
A family member in law enforcement told us to report it, so we called CPS and the police. They took reports, but my stepkid won’t say how they got the bruises. The dad has a history of hitting both the child and my wife before, but there were never police reports. When the cops were called in the past, they said without the child naming the person responsible, nothing could really be done. The officer today also said the bruises clearly look like an adult grabbed them, but without the child saying who did it, there’s no guarantee the report will go anywhere.
My wife and her ex were never married, and there’s no legal custody order. We have the child 80% of the time, but we let the dad have extra time when he asked. Now this happens. My wife wants to go for full custody. She doesn’t want to risk sending the child back into a dangerous situation.
We’re planning to get a lawyer and file for custody. How likely is it that we could get full custody in California after something like this? I know CA usually pushes for 50/50, which makes sense in most cases, but this feels different. Thanks for any insight.
Take the child to a hospital ASAP to check for more injuries. Tell the police you want an official report, even if they say it ‘won’t go anywhere.’ Also, keep following up with CPS.
This is going to be an uphill battle, but if you believe there’s abuse, you have to fight for your stepkid. Even if CPS says the claims aren’t substantiated, at least you’ll have a record of it. Hopefully, that alone will make the dad think twice about doing anything like this again.
Be careful with how you handle this. If there’s no legal custody order in place, do NOT just refuse to let the dad see the child. Courts really don’t like it when one parent blocks the other without legal backing—it could backfire and make your wife lose custody entirely. Keep things calm, document everything, and gather as much evidence as possible.
@Wynn
That depends on the state. In some places, if there’s no custody order, the mom has full custody by default. She might legally be able to keep the child from the dad unless a court says otherwise.
California courthouses have a self-help section that can guide you through filing paperwork for free. You can start on emergency custody orders or even a restraining order while you look for a lawyer.
Did a doctor check the bruises? That’s the best way to document this. A pediatric ER might have a specialist who can tell if the bruising was likely caused by another person.
Unfortunately, I’ve been through something similar with my own kid, though in our case, it was a school aide who hurt him.
Ursula said:
If there’s no custody order, then your wife technically has full custody and could refuse visits until the dad takes her to court.
Not necessarily. Without a legal agreement, both parents technically have equal rights. That means your wife could refuse visits, but it also means the dad could pick the child up from school and refuse to bring them back, and there’d be nothing she could do unless a court intervenes.
@Sienna
Not true everywhere. In some states, an unmarried mother automatically has full custody unless the father goes to court to establish paternity and get custody rights.
Tyler said: @Sienna
Not true everywhere. In some states, an unmarried mother automatically has full custody unless the father goes to court to establish paternity and get custody rights.
If the kid is school-aged, I’d assume paternity has already been established. Wouldn’t make sense otherwise.
Tennyson said: @Sienna
Depends entirely on the state. If paternity wasn’t legally established, the mother is the only custodial parent.
Even if paternity is established, that doesn’t mean the dad has custody rights. It just means he’s legally recognized as the father. Without a custody agreement, the mom can still say no to visits. However, if she suddenly cuts off visits, the dad could go to court and argue that she’s being unreasonable, which could hurt her case.
You probably should have let your wife handle this. The child might have opened up more to her. Also, bruises don’t automatically mean abuse. Could have been from rough play at school. Some people bruise super easily, especially if they have vitamin deficiencies or anemia. You’re about to go to court over something the child isn’t even saying the dad did. This might not end well for your wife.
@Junita
Agreed. Courts need proof, not just a hunch. Unless there’s actual evidence that the dad did this, it’s going to be really hard to get full custody based on just a suspicion.
If you file for custody, expect the court to push for 50/50 unless you have solid proof of abuse. If you try to block the dad from seeing the child with no actual evidence, it could work against your wife, and the dad could end up with more custody instead. Get a lawyer and follow their advice exactly.
@alexwell
That depends on the state. If there’s no custody order and paternity isn’t legally established, the dad might not have any rights at all right now.
Document EVERYTHING. Take pictures. Write down dates and details. If there’s no custody agreement in place, your wife may not have to allow visits until a court orders it. Giving the child a break from visits might help them feel safe enough to talk.
@Bryn
Agreed. Until I knew what happened, I wouldn’t let the child visit the dad. Talk to a lawyer ASAP and inform the school that the child shouldn’t be picked up by anyone except your wife.