So my now separated wife’s brother told me that since she is breastfeeding, I’ll only get visitation and that 2 hours a week is okay. He said I’ll have to pay child support because she won’t have to work at all. Apparently, I’ll only get supervised visitation, so I should just agree to it because if I don’t, I’ll lose all custodial rights. Is any of that true? My daughter is only 3 months old. Am I not allowed to have her overnight? I mean, she can have a bottle and her mother can pump, which works better with her schedule. My wife claims that I struck her by pushing her, but in her 50B complaint, she said that she hit me first while I was holding our daughter. I tried to walk away, but she followed me and I pushed her away. I have a video of me asking to de-escalate, and the 50B got dismissed because my wife’s lawyers saw the video and advised her to drop the complaint. Also, I have a record from when I was 18. Does that mean I’ll be viewed as unfit? I’m 25 now, work full-time, going to school to improve my career, provide insurance, and I have a stable home with family support. I could even hire a live-in nanny while I take care of my daughter. All I want is 50/50 custody. Is that too much to ask? I want to have her the evening of the last day I work, which is usually Sunday, and return her by 10 am on Wednesday. I feel like I’m the only one who cares about what’s best for my daughter, but with my wife’s brother saying that I should just accept what I’m offered, I’m worried I’ll lose all rights if I don’t. I feel like having an active and loving father is important, and I don’t believe I’ve shown any way to be unfit. I’ve also tried to work with my wife, while she’s asking for everything except 2 hours a week. I just want to co-parent, but will the courts just take her side or see that she’s being unreasonable?
Honestly, that’s not how it works. You won’t lose all custodial rights just because your brother-in-law says so. It’s really uncommon for a parent to lose rights without a serious safety concern. NC law makes a distinction between legal and physical custody, so you might be able to get joint custody in one area even if the other parent has more time with the child. As for overnight visits, there’s no law saying you can’t have her overnight unless a court order states otherwise.
Have you actually filed for custody yet? If not, you should do that ASAP. Once you file, she has to respond within 30 days, and then you’ll go through mediation. If that doesn’t work out, you can request a court date. It could take a while, but by then, breastfeeding may not be an issue. Maybe suggest a graduated schedule where you start with visits around feeding times and then transition to overnights as your daughter gets older.
@Austin
I haven’t filed yet, but I’m planning to soon. I just want to make sure I’m doing everything right. Thanks for the advice.
So she’s filling a status quo custody order, which could actually help you get into court and negotiate sooner. If your daughter is primarily bottle-fed, then breastfeeding shouldn’t come into play at all. Just make sure the judge knows that info. It sounds like you’re really trying to be reasonable here, which is great. Just keep in mind that courts usually want both parents involved unless there’s a good reason not to be.
@Sullivan
I appreciate that. I just want to raise my daughter and be part of her life.
You mentioned you have a record from when you were 18. It really depends on what it was. If it was something serious, it could affect how the court sees you, but being 25 now and having a stable job and home life can work in your favor. Just be prepared to explain your past if it comes up.
@Serenity
Yeah, it was a long time ago and I’ve changed a lot since then. I just hope that they see I’m trying to be a good father.
I get that you’re worried about the court siding with her. But usually, courts look for the best interest of the child, and having both parents involved is generally seen as good. If you’re actively trying to be there for your daughter, that counts for something. Just make sure you document everything and keep your communication clear. Good luck, man.
@Drue
Thanks, I really hope it works out. I just want to be there for her.