My baby is 7 months old, and his dad just filed for custody today. I had a gut feeling and checked the court website, and there it was. I haven’t been served yet, so I don’t know exactly what he’s asking for.
This morning, he told me there was no need to file anything, and he wasn’t going to. So I was completely blindsided when I saw he did. I don’t know if lying about that matters legally, but it definitely makes me uneasy.
I’ve been the main caregiver. I was a stay-at-home mom until my baby was about 6.5 months, and now I’m in school full-time (31 hours a week). His dad signed the birth certificate and the AOP.
My big question is—should I let him take the baby before there’s a court order? I don’t want to look bad by refusing, but I’m scared he won’t give the baby back. Any advice would really help.
Always file your own petition! That’s the only way to make sure you have legal rights, too.
Unless there’s a safety issue, you shouldn’t deny visits. Just because he wasn’t a good partner doesn’t mean he can’t be a good dad. If you haven’t been served yet, file your own custody case and serve him first. That way, YOU are the one bringing the case instead of just responding to his.
Having a legal agreement isn’t a bad thing. It gives structure for both parents and helps you avoid conflict later. If visits don’t go well, you document that. That way, when it’s time for a final custody order, you have real examples of what does and doesn’t work.
Co-parenting isn’t easy, but if both parents make an effort, it’s better for the child.
Meet in public until you have a court order. Right now, there’s nothing stopping him from taking the baby and not returning him. I was in this same situation, and my lawyer told me to do public visits until the order was in place.
Don’t take legal advice from someone who’s fighting you in court. That said, he’s legally the father, so unless there’s a serious issue, he will get some form of custody.
Right now, you don’t have to let the baby go with him, but yeah, it might not look great if you refuse. You need to start thinking about co-parenting long-term.
@Reece
Family court brings out the worst in people. Just assume he will do what’s best for himself, not you. I went through the same thing—be ready to fight for what’s best for your baby.
@Reece
It depends on what you both agree on or what the court orders. But avoiding overnights completely isn’t realistic. A judge won’t like it if you come off as being difficult just to be difficult.
Quillan said: @Reece
It depends on what you both agree on or what the court orders. But avoiding overnights completely isn’t realistic. A judge won’t like it if you come off as being difficult just to be difficult.
I don’t mind him having overnights! I just don’t want him keeping the baby longer than agreed. I want them to have a good relationship, but I’m nervous about what happens if he refuses to give him back.
@Reece
That’s why you need a lawyer to walk you through worst-case scenarios. But just know that shared custody doesn’t mean your baby is being ‘kept from you.’
Quillan said: @Reece
That’s why you need a lawyer to walk you through worst-case scenarios. But just know that shared custody doesn’t mean your baby is being ‘kept from you.’
Yeah, I get that. I just mean I’m worried that if he takes him for a visit right now, without a court order, he could just refuse to return him.
Unless he’s actually a danger to the baby, you’ll need to work out co-parenting. If the baby isn’t breastfeeding, overnights will probably happen. You might as well figure out a fair schedule—maybe 2-3 weekends a month and a weekday visit. If a judge sees you refusing reasonable time, that won’t go well for you.
@Payne
I don’t think he’s dangerous at all. I just have a bad feeling he filed for full custody since he wouldn’t tell me what he put on the paperwork
The baby isn’t breastfeeding. He just had his first overnight with his dad this past weekend. Should I keep letting that happen while I’m waiting for a court order?
@Reece
If he filed, he’s not getting full custody unless something is really wrong on your side. The point of a court order is to make sure both parents have time and can’t just make changes at will. You let an overnight happen last weekend, but now you want to stop? That won’t look good.
so now I just wait to be served?
I just didn’t think he’d lie about something like this.