Dealing with an aggressive lawyer in coparenting… any advice?

Seeking Advice
1

I’m coparenting with my ex-husband, and he runs to his lawyer over every little thing. Every once in a while, I get these aggressive emails full of threats like “If you don’t do X, we’ll go for full custody!” They never seem to be about actually solving anything—just trying to intimidate me.

I don’t want to keep a lawyer on retainer just to handle these random emails, so I usually deal with them myself. Should I even bother responding? Should I just ignore them? I feel like if they actually had a strong case for full custody, they’d just take it to court instead of sending threats.

2

A lawyer shouldn’t be throwing out empty threats like that.

3

“Thank you for your email dated xx/xx/xxxx. Please provide any supporting documents for your claims so I can review them properly.”

4

I like what others have said: “I am not going to argue over email.”

If someone representing themselves sent that, I’d respect it a lot.

5

At least take comfort in knowing your ex is probably paying $100 or more per email for that nonsense.

6

Dear Ex’s Lawyer,

Thank you for sharing my ex’s position. I will not argue over email. Best regards.

7

Tessa said:
Dear Ex’s Lawyer,

Thank you for sharing my ex’s position. I will not argue over email. Best regards.

“…And I’m surprised you’re entertaining the tantrums of a grown adult. My focus is on the actual children, not the overgrown one.”

8

@Penelope
Tempting, but not a good idea. Judges don’t like that kind of thing.

9

I’d just reply that I’m not going to deal with legal matters by email.

I did that once, and they pretty much stopped.

(Not a lawyer.)

10

Honestly, I’d find a lawyer who’s dealt with this kind of thing before. Mine has been great. If you represent yourself, you might slip up, and they’ll keep bullying you. Get someone who’s firm but calm to handle them.

My ex’s lawyer sounds like yours—lots of threats, but they always lose in court.

11

Family lawyer here (not yours, though—consult one!).

People saying you don’t have to respond at all are technically right, but it’s not that simple. In some places, if I send a message asking for the other party’s position on something I plan to file and they don’t respond, I can tell the court they didn’t object. That can lead to the court granting my request without them getting to argue against it.

So read everything carefully. If they’re just making threats, ignore them. But if they’re asking for a response about something official, don’t just brush it off.

That said, you don’t have to agree to any changes unless it’s in writing. If they suggest something you don’t want, just say you don’t agree and let them decide if they want to take it to court.

12

@Arden
Another way to handle this: read everything carefully, then reply with:

"Dear Ex’s Lawyer,

Thank you for your message. I do not agree to the proposed changes. Best regards, Me."

And that’s it. No extra details, no inviting discussion. Just “I do not agree.”

But definitely make sure you understand what’s being sent to you first.

13

Send them a Rickroll.

14

Ignore the lawyer unless you’re legally required to respond. Just co-parent the way you need to, and if it ever goes to court, be ready to explain your choices clearly.

These emails are just scare tactics. If you’re not breaking any rules, call their bluff and let them take you to court. And SAVE every email—don’t respond in writing, respond in court.

15

@ChristopherReed
This is the right answer! :raised_hands:

My lawyer always told me to be a sphinx and a stone. Let their threats bounce off you, but document everything.

16

Anything you say to the lawyer could be used against you in court. Stay polite, keep responses short, and only reply if absolutely necessary. If they demand something, ask them to provide all supporting documents so there’s full transparency.

17

Don’t engage with the lawyer’s nonsense.

18

If it’s not filed in court, you don’t have to answer.