I’m in a tough spot and need some advice. My husband has already said he plans to drink heavily tonight, and when he drinks, he becomes emotionally and verbally abusive. I’m planning to tell him that if he starts an argument, I will leave with the kids and stay somewhere else.
My main concern is whether he could get me into trouble if he knows where we are and still comes to see the kids. I want him to understand that I’m serious this time. My conditions for staying together are that we both go to counseling and that he stops drinking. If he refuses, I’ll live separately with the kids until he agrees, or we may end up getting a divorce.
It’s not just about me—when he’s drunk, he can’t properly care for the kids. I’m a stay-at-home mom and the main caregiver, so I believe the kids should stay with me until we sort things out. I want to work on our marriage, but I can’t keep feeling scared and unable to sleep in my own home.
Any advice on how to handle this situation safely and legally?
Hi ma’
Tell him that the kids’ safety is most important. He can’t handle alcohol, and you’ve raised concerns he’s ignored. He can drink elsewhere but not at home. If he refuses, leave with the kids and don’t return.
Why wait until he’s drinking to threaten to leave? Pack your bags now, take the kids, and tell him why you’re leaving. You’re not doing anything illegal by taking them; you’re keeping them safe. If he calls the cops while drunk, they won’t take him seriously.
Hi,
Narcissists, especially those who drink too much, rarely change. I recommend getting a protection order, packing your things and the kids, and leaving as soon as you can. Start the divorce process now, and ask for no custody or visitations in the restraining order. This is a bad situation for your children, and it can get worse, especially with substance abuse.
you have equal rights to the children as your husband. Record audio or video of his behavior while he’s drunk, if it’s safe to do so. Then leave with the kids. You’re not kidnapping them; you’re taking them to a safe place. It doesn’t matter how he behaves the next day. It sounds like this happens often and he’s controlling.
You’re not required to stay in the home. If your parents are nearby, stay with them and talk to a lawyer. Keep documenting everything and don’t let him scare you. If he calls the police, they won’t take him seriously.
Hey,
You’re overthinking this. Your children aren’t safe right now, so leaving for the evening is taking care of them and yourself. It’s not illegal. If he tries to stop you, or if you’re scared, call the police. Otherwise, just leave. It’s completely legal to take the kids and go, especially if he’s drunk. You need to start standing up for yourself!