DFACS finally caught up after 6 years… what happens now?

My sister is an addict, and her ex was abusive. She and her three kids moved in with me years ago. It was supposed to be temporary, but she kept choosing men and drinking over her kids, so I told her to leave. She was showing up drunk, disappearing for days, and leaving me to handle everything. I couldn’t let the kids keep living like that.

For the past six years, I’ve raised them with no help—no money, no food, nothing. Just me. About ten months ago, my nephew (13 now) had to leave because he was a safety risk to his sisters. I sent him to his mom, but she ended up in jail within a week. He was abandoned in a housing project. I had no choice but to call his dad, who took him in. Now he’s living with his older sister, doing better, getting good grades, and staying out of trouble. I hated sending him away, but I had to do what was best for everyone.

My oldest niece (almost 16) was recently in a psych ward. She started self-harming because of peer pressure and got mixed up with a boy I wouldn’t let her talk to. She didn’t like my rules, so I let her stay with her mom. I knew it wasn’t a great choice, but the only other option was foster care. Now she’s missing a lot of school, her mom is still a mess, and DFACS is involved.

The social worker was shocked when she found out I’ve been handling everything alone with no legal guardianship. I never involved them before because I was scared they’d split the kids up. But they were always taken care of—doctor’s visits, school, counseling, everything. I did everything I could for them, but now I’m pregnant, broke, and completely out of options.

My youngest niece (11) is struggling too. I can’t afford therapy for her, and I don’t have the time or money to keep this up. I told DFACS she should at least finish the school year, but will they force her dad to step up? Or can he just say no and let them put her in foster care? I’m not getting clear answers, and I don’t know what’s next.

You did everything you could. These kids had a way better life with you than they would have had with their mom. You didn’t fail them. You gave them years of stability, and now they need help beyond what you can provide. That doesn’t make you a bad person—it makes you human.

@esleystanley
Thank you for saying that. I’ve spent so many nights wondering if I should’ve done things differently. But I really thought I was protecting them. Now I just feel out of options.

Not calling DFACS when you first got them might have made things harder in the long run. I get why you didn’t, but now they’re older and have missed out on help they could’ve had. It’s good your nephew is in a better situation, but your youngest niece will need therapy, especially with the new baby coming. She might feel replaced. You need to make sure you and your baby are stable too.

@Bevin
I know, and I regret it. I was terrified they’d end up worse off in the system. I just wanted to keep them safe. And yeah, I’m married, and my husband has been helping, but he’s the one who said we need to think about letting the state take over now. It’s just hard to accept.

DFACS will probably step in to help, but their dad can’t be forced to take her. If he refuses, she’ll end up in foster care. You tried to do the right thing, but it sounds like this was always going to happen eventually. Hopefully, she gets the help she needs.

@Natalie
I fought for years to get legal guardianship, but their mom wouldn’t sign off. I would have had to take her to court and prove she was unfit, and I just couldn’t do that to her. I didn’t have the money or energy for a long legal battle.

@Maddox
If you report her to DFACS, you could be named their kinship foster parent. That way, you’d get financial help and legal rights.

Natalie said:
@Maddox
If you report her to DFACS, you could be named their kinship foster parent. That way, you’d get financial help and legal rights.

I had no idea that was an option. I even talked to a free legal advisor, and they never mentioned it. I’ll look into it—thank you!

No one can force their dad to take her. If he refuses, she’ll go into foster care. Honestly, it sounds like the two older girls might be better off there. They need professional help that you couldn’t afford to get them. You didn’t mean to, but by keeping them out of the system, you might have just delayed the help they needed.

@Erica
I didn’t keep them from help. I kept them from living in a house with no electricity, no food, and watching their mom get beaten. They had a home, food, school, and a childhood. It wasn’t perfect, but it was better than what they had before. I did what I could.

@Maddox
You gave them love, stability, and safety, and that’s more than a lot of people in their situation get. Parenting isn’t easy, and what you did was ten times harder. No one can do it perfectly. They’ll always know they had someone who cared. That matters. I’ll keep you all in my prayers, and I hope things get better for you.

@Isan
Thank you… that really means a lot right now.