I have a 4-month-old son who spent 3 weeks in the NICU. I was with him 8-12 hours a day—more than anyone else, including his mom. When he was released, she and the baby lived with me for two months. I was fully involved in his care, both in the hospital and at home. I was also present for every appointment during her pregnancy and after he was born.
She left me two weeks ago and moved in with her parents. She doesn’t work, and her parents help support her and her 8-year-old daughter. The father of her daughter isn’t in the picture at all.
For a week, she wouldn’t let me see my son. Then she let me visit him for two hours on two different days—but only supervised. She also took him to the doctor twice without telling me. He even caught COVID, and I only found out afterward (he’s fine now).
She told me she’s filing for child support and wants a visitation order where I get him only two days a week, with pickup in the morning and drop-off by 7 p.m. She refuses to allow overnights. I told her I wanted a flexible child support arrangement and more time with him, especially since I’ve been so involved. She doesn’t breastfeed, so there’s no issue there.
She won’t even have a civil conversation with me about finding a fair agreement. She keeps saying she’ll wait for her lawyer to file the paperwork. There’s no history of abuse or anything like that between us.
I want a step-up plan where I get overnights by the time he’s 6 months old and eventually work up to 50/50 custody. I don’t care about the money—I just want time with my son. What are my chances?
I wasn’t asking for full 50/50 right away. I just wanted three days a week with him, from morning until 7 p.m. She refused and said she wants a lawyer to make a plan for us. She was unsure about overnights, so I didn’t push it.
The lawyer I spoke to said we could work toward 50/50 by the time he turns one. The idea was to start with daytime visits, add a couple of overnights at six months, and then go to full 50/50 when he’s a year old. The lawyer said this was based on how involved I was before she left.
I’ve been dealing with family court for years—multiple trials, a guardian ad litem, a parenting coordinator, and now a court order letting my child decide visitation.
I say this as someone who has spent thousands: this shouldn’t be about what you or your ex want. It’s about what’s best for your child. Court battles can be hard on kids.
My child hated going back and forth. She wanted stability and a home base. Now she’s in high school and catching up on everything she missed. She couldn’t even do extracurricular activities because the other parent refused if they happened during their time.
Make sure you’re focusing on what’s best for your son, not just what you feel you deserve. Kids are more aware of things than you think.
@Sophia
I hear you, and I really appreciate your perspective. I’m not trying to make this harder than it needs to be—I just want to stay involved in his life. I even agreed that he should sleep at his mom’s house until he’s a little older. I just want a fair schedule that lets me be a consistent presence for him.
The problem is she won’t work with me at all. She ignores my messages when I ask about him or try to see him. She won’t even discuss a plan until her lawyer draws something up.
@Remi
I don’t know her, but keep in mind that she just gave birth. Postpartum emotions, the breakup, and taking care of a newborn might all be making her more anxious than usual.
It’s also possible that someone put the idea in her head that you could take the baby and not return him. That happens a lot when there’s no court order in place yet. Even if that’s not something you’d ever do, she might be acting based on fear. I hope this all works out in a way that’s best for your son.
@Remi
I hope things go smoothly for your son’s sake. It sounds like you’re trying to do the right thing. Get a good lawyer and see if you can work something out without going through a messy trial.
Suki said:
Because he’s so young, the court will probably only give you daytime visits for now. Overnights will likely be added gradually as he gets older.
At first, I only asked for three full days a week. She refused and said only two days, plus child support.
So I told her to get a lawyer. I’m going to fight for what’s fair. Take my money if you need to—I just want time with my son.
@Remi
I get it, and I understand your frustration. But courts tend to move slowly, especially with infants. You might have to start with less time and work your way up.
Suki said: @Remi
I get it, and I understand your frustration. But courts tend to move slowly, especially with infants. You might have to start with less time and work your way up.
Harper said:
You should’ve filed for custody as soon as she moved out. Courts in Texas tend to favor moms when it comes to young kids.
Just keep fighting for your time and hire a solid lawyer. She might back down eventually—legal battles are exhausting. Keep track of every time you ask to see your son and she refuses. Keep receipts for everything you buy for him. Stay calm, be polite to her parents, and don’t give them any reason to use anything against you.
If you don’t get the custody arrangement you want now, make sure the agreement includes a step-up plan. You don’t want to have to keep going back to court every time you want more time with him.
File for custody ASAP. She might get mad and try to keep him from you, but this is just how it goes. Get a lawyer.
If there’s nothing negative in your history, your chances of getting 50/50 eventually are good. Most courts lean toward equal custody these days unless there’s a serious reason not to.
Arianna said:
If there’s nothing negative in your history, your chances of getting 50/50 eventually are good. Most courts lean toward equal custody these days unless there’s a serious reason not to.
Everything I’ve read says the biggest issue is his age. The court won’t usually grant 50/50 right away for an infant. Lawyers I’ve spoken to say they can’t guarantee anything, but they think I’ll get more than the bare minimum.
