I have two kids (9 and 10) with my ex-husband, and we share joint custody. We just switched to a 50/50 schedule. I live in an area where rent is really high, and there aren’t many places available. My lease ends in May, and I want to stay with my boyfriend in another town for the summer while saving up for a new place back in the same town we live in now.
We’re really close to the California/Nevada border, and I’d be staying in Nevada, but we live in California. My ex knew this was my plan, but now he says I can’t “move out of state” without his permission. Do I legally have to notify him or file anything? I don’t think this counts as moving since I’m planning to come back before the school year starts. My kids’ school won’t change, and his time with them wouldn’t be affected.
Meanwhile, he’s actually trying to move them to a different town and school, but since it’s still in California, he says that’s fine. I understand that if I were moving permanently, I’d need his consent, but do I really need it just for a few months if his time with them stays the same? Is there a legal definition of what counts as a “relocation”?
Yes, you do need to tell him, and he could stop the move. Even if it’s just for a few months, this still affects your kids and their time with their dad. If he takes this to court, they could rule against you, and if you’ve already moved, you might have to come back.
You need to have a legal residence. Either you’re living with your boyfriend, or you’re technically homeless. If your ex challenges this in court, it might look like you’re trying to move out of state permanently and just saying it’s temporary.
Most states require you to notify the other parent. Look up the laws where you live to see if you need his permission to take the kids out of state for that long.
You absolutely have to let your ex know, and he might need to agree. Moving in with your boyfriend is good for you, but is it really best for your kids?
Nothing stops you from deciding not to come back. If your ex doesn’t agree, you could try offering to do most of the transportation for visits to make it easier for him.
Your custody order should have the answer. If it’s not clear, a lawyer can help.
But why wouldn’t you want to tell him? Wouldn’t you want to know if he was planning to take the kids out of state for months? It sounds like you already told him anyway, or he wouldn’t be upset about it, so what’s the real issue here?
@Victoria
I did tell him, both in person and over text. He just recently decided he’s not okay with it. I’m not sure if I need to file anything with the court. The legal wording I’ve found is vague. I’m waiting for a callback from my lawyer, but I wanted to get some input here in the meantime.
@Shay
I can see why he’s worried. You’d be setting up in a different state, and if you end up staying longer, the legal situation could change. If the kids live there long enough, that state could claim jurisdiction over custody. He’s probably trying to stop that possibility before it happens.
@Shay
That’s what this forum is for, but as someone who has worked in family law for 16 years, I’d say this is one of those things you really need a lawyer for. Laws are different in every state, and random internet advice can’t replace legal guidance.
If you already have a lawyer, that’s great—just make sure you go over all of this with them. They’ll be able to give you a much better answer than anyone here.
@Victoria
I get that. I just like to gather as much information as I can before talking to my lawyer so I know the right questions to ask and don’t waste time.
@Victoria
That ‘it depends’ joke must be universal. My first law professor told us the same thing—get used to saying ‘it depends’ because that’s the answer to almost everything in law.
This is tricky. Legally, you probably do have to notify him, but in your mind, it’s just an extended vacation.
The issue is that you say you ‘plan’ to move back at the end of summer. That leaves the door open for not returning, which is why he’s pushing back on it now.
@Rebecca
Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m wondering. I see it as a summer trip, but since I don’t have a new place lined up yet, I get why he might argue it’s a real move.
Look up your state’s rules. Where I live, if you’re moving more than 50 miles and staying for more than 60 days, you have to notify the court and the other parent.