I now have full physical custody of our son due to my ex-wife’s abuse of our child and domestic violence toward me. She can see him 3 days a week for a few hours. The problem is that when she picks him up, she always sends me texts saying things like, “You didn’t put his eczema cream on him” when I did, or “He has a fever and you didn’t give him medicine” when I checked his temperature before he left and it was 98.4. Now that she has lost custody, I think she is basically trying to create a paper trail of things to use against me if she tries to take custody back. I fully take care of my child. He is on the spectrum and I am extra attentive to his needs. I keep in touch with his doctors and am very involved with his education. At this point, it feels like harassment. Does anyone have any suggestions on what I can do about this? I don’t see an end to it.
You should use a parenting app for communication. Apps like Our Family Wizard or Billy Eddy’s BIFF can help with co-parent communication.
You need to use a parenting app for communication. AppClose is free. Deny her accusations, but don’t argue. She is trying to catch you on anything.
Consider posting in a legal subreddit for advice. Also, keep your own receipts.
It probably isn’t going to be classified as harassment. Just respond to her false accusations with something simple like ‘Incorrect’ and move on. No need for details; the burden of proof is on her.
You could file harassment charges against her. Maybe her visits will come to an end.
There is a parenting app you can use. All communication should go through it. The courts will be able to see everything. Since she has supervised visits, the courts know she isn’t a good parent. Just keep doing the right things and you’ll be fine. You could also go to court and ask the judge for a no harassment order.
My ex does the same thing. Claims I put our daughter in clothes that are too small or that her teeth aren’t brushed. I’ve been to court twice now and let me tell you, nobody cares. I stopped taking pictures/videos because it stressed me and my daughter.
I haven’t been in a custody situation, but I grew up with a narcissist. She is counting on your emotional response, so don’t give it to her. Even the court sees how you love and care for your son enough to allow only supervised visits. When you get a text from her, take a moment to breathe and respond calmly.
Read the book ‘Say Goodbye to Crazy.’ It gives great ways to deal with this type of behavior. Learn to grey rock and switch your communication to a parenting app.
Yes, collect evidence along the way. Take pictures or videos of you giving your child medicine or the eczema balm. Having timestamps can help. The third-party handover might be a good idea too.
My Family Wizard app is great for this kind of situation.
All communication should go through a parenting app. Just reply with short facts, like ‘I put cream on this morning’ or ‘He was well when you picked him up.’
Use a court-ordered app for all communication. Record every single conversation or encounter with her. You can also request a third party to be present during exchanges. If it gets really bad, consider parallel parenting. Keep your updates brief and consult with your lawyer for a respectful way to reply.
Talk to your lawyer. If they helped you get full custody, they should be able to help stop the harassment. Document everything.
Video yourself doing things for your child before she arrives, like applying eczema cream. Include timestamps. If she texts you, reply with facts like ‘Temperature was X at Y o’clock.’ Keep the videos for your records.
Use specific times in your responses. For example, ‘I took his temp at 8, it was 98.4.’ Don’t let her emotional manipulation get to you.
She’s trying to provoke you. Don’t give her the reaction she wants. Just stick to the facts.