My 4-year-old son told me that his mom’s boyfriend is hitting him. His mom now sends her boyfriend alone to pick up my son during custody exchanges. The last time it happened, my son was crying and refused to go with him. I tried contacting the police, but they told me that it’s my legal responsibility to make sure the exchange happens, even if my son is uncomfortable. They said it’s the mom’s responsibility to protect him after the exchange.
I know that cops aren’t always well-versed in family law, so I’m trying to figure out my options. How do I protect my son from abuse, especially if the authorities don’t seem interested? I have 50/50 custody, but CPS and the police seem to dismiss my concerns, even when I’ve reported bruises. Every time my son comes back, he tells me he doesn’t want to go to his mom’s.
What can I do to protect my son without violating the custody agreement if I refuse to let her boyfriend pick him up alone?
Document everything. Take photos, keep a diary of all incidents. Every time your son comes back with bruises, take him to the pediatrician or ER. File a police report each time, and only communicate in writing with your ex. Make it clear to her that it’s not okay for her boyfriend to hit your son. You should also take her to court to modify the custody agreement so her boyfriend can’t pick him up and to prevent corporal punishment. Get legal advice from a domestic violence shelter and hire a lawyer.
If the law won’t help, you might need to take matters into your own hands. I’m half-joking, but someone needs to scare that guy straight. No jury would convict you when they see the bruises.
Darian said:
If your son comes home with bruises, take him to the ER immediately. The hospital will file a report that CPS will have to take seriously.
A visit to his pediatrician could also work for this.
Run a background check on the boyfriend. You might find other incidents of abuse that you can use in court. Also, talk to a lawyer about modifying the custody agreement to make sure only your ex is allowed to pick up your son.
Check your child after every visit. If you see any marks, take him to the doctor or ER, and start documenting everything in a journal. Find a therapist for your son who can advocate for him in court. A Guardian Ad Litem can also help. Make sure all your communication with your ex is in writing, and consider hiring an attorney to help you through this.
Have you talked to your ex about this? She might not know what’s happening if it’s not in front of her. If I were her, I’d break up with him immediately if I found out.
Consider hiring a child psychologist to act as a Parenting Coordinator. They can talk to your son and legally testify about any abuse. Getting a therapist for your son can also help, both to deal with the trauma and to speak for him in court.
This is heartbreaking. It’s a common issue when boyfriends abuse their partner’s children. Maybe you could at least get the court to rule that your son can’t be left alone with him? I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.
Every time your son comes back, check for any marks or bruises. If he has any, ask him how he got them, document what he says, and take him to a doctor. Start keeping records of these incidents to show CPS or a court. It’s also important to get a third-party like a teacher or doctor to report the abuse—this could carry more weight in court. Keep fighting to protect your child, even though it’s a tough situation. Your son’s safety is more important than anything.
@Aria
OP should follow this advice carefully. CPS can be slow to act, so make sure you have enough evidence to back up your claims when they finally do.
@Aria
Unfortunately, the most dangerous person to a child is often the mom’s boyfriend or a step-parent. This is why it’s so important to document everything.