My daughter was born almost four years ago, my only child. Her father refused to sign the birth certificate at the hospital until he got a DNA test. He said it was because of an ex cheating on him and claiming he was the father when he wasn’t. So he said ‘to just make sure.’ I didn’t argue with that request. I was in the hospital recovering for 5 days after a C-section. After being back home for a week, I was able to move around better, so we went to a local DNA lab. A few days later, we got a call, and it was a 99.99% match to my ex. But he still questioned me because he has an identical twin and wondered about the .01%. For about a month after my daughter was born, he held her, fed her, and changed her, doing typical things. Then he just stopped. He started sleeping with earplugs in because of her crying. He stopped changing her entirely and even refused to hold her while I was cooking. On her first birthday, his mom and I begged him to sign the birth certificate, telling him what she would think when she got older and saw he didn’t. But he wouldn’t. Due to domestic violence and sexual abuse from him for 5 years, I convinced myself to leave. I moved to Wyoming where my mom and brother were. I told my ex I just needed a few months with my mom, as I hadn’t had time with her since I was 14. I told him 6 months max, just so my daughter could meet her uncle and nana. Before I left, he wanted to put his name on her birth certificate. I knew he wanted to do that because if I didn’t come back, he could charge me with parental kidnapping. I convinced him to wait until I returned. I never went back and have been in Wyoming for almost two years now. He visited a few times—on her birthday, Mother’s Day, and Christmas—but always left a few days early due to us fighting about his sexual advances towards me. Fast forward to now, my daughter is happy, healthy, and learning. But I’m scared that if he puts his name on her birth certificate and takes me to court for visitation or custody, he will mess her life up. He once said, ‘all women are sluts’ including his mom, sister, me, and even our daughter. That’s the mentality I refuse to let her be around. He thinks all women belong on their backs or knees. His favorite saying is, ‘if you have time to sit, you have time to suck a dick.’ I fear for my child if he gets co-custody. He has hit me, body slammed me, twisted my ankle, chased me down in his truck, made me do inappropriate things in public, and punched me in the stomach. He kicked me out of bed and made me walk 5 miles to my dad’s when I didn’t want to have sex with him. He choked me and forced me to have sex with him multiple times a day for 5 years and didn’t wait for me to heal from my C-section. He abused me for years, and I refuse to let my daughter be around him. Am I in the right for moving away from him and keeping his name off her birth certificate, or should I give him a chance to be her father even if we’re states away?
Honestly, it sounds like you did what was best for you and your daughter. If he was abusive, that’s a huge red flag. You should prioritize her safety.
Bennie said:
Honestly, it sounds like you did what was best for you and your daughter. If he was abusive, that’s a huge red flag. You should prioritize her safety.
Thank you, I really hope I made the right choice. It just feels so complicated.
@Gabriella
It really is complicated. Just remember, your child’s safety is what matters most.
I can’t believe he acted like that. You have every right to protect your daughter from someone who has shown such behavior.
Bright said:
I can’t believe he acted like that. You have every right to protect your daughter from someone who has shown such behavior.
It’s just hard to think about the future and what could happen if he gets his way.
@Gabriella
I totally get that. Have you thought about talking to a lawyer about your options?
Bright said:
@Gabriella
I totally get that. Have you thought about talking to a lawyer about your options?
I haven’t yet, but I think that’s a good idea. I need to know my rights.
It’s great to hear your daughter is happy and healthy. It sounds like you’ve created a good life for her away from all that drama.
Laken said:
It’s great to hear your daughter is happy and healthy. It sounds like you’ve created a good life for her away from all that drama.
Thank you! I’m really trying my best to give her a stable life.
@Gabriella
That’s what matters. Keep focusing on that. You’re doing great.
You might want to consider a restraining order if he keeps trying to contact you. It’s okay to set boundaries.
Olivia said:
You might want to consider a restraining order if he keeps trying to contact you. It’s okay to set boundaries.
I’ve thought about it, especially since he’s called from blocked numbers. I just want peace for both of us.
@Gabriella
That makes total sense. Your peace is important too. Keep strong.
Trust your instincts. If you feel he’s a threat, you have every right to keep him away from your daughter.
Niko said:
Trust your instincts. If you feel he’s a threat, you have every right to keep him away from your daughter.
I really appreciate that. It’s just hard not to doubt myself sometimes.
@Gabriella
It’s normal to doubt yourself, but you know what’s best for her. Stay strong.