I’m the custodial parent, and the father has supervised visits with his mother as the supervisor. I’ve asked several times to be told where my child is (I worded it as ‘anywhere other than where I dropped him off’), because they often take him to other places or drive him around the city. Recently, they violated the agreement by not having the mother supervise, and we had to revisit the issue in order for the visits to continue. They agreed, but now this is the third visit, and once again, they’ve taken my child out without letting me know.
Can they disregard my request for my child’s location if it’s not written into the order?
We have a second mediation soon, and I’m also wondering if this is serious enough to ask for a court-appointed supervisor since they violated the agreement. I have proof of both the violation and his mother covering for him when he wasn’t present for the visits.
You have a strong reason to be concerned about them driving your child around when the father is known to drive drunk or high.
If you can, it’s a good idea to call the police if he’s driving impaired. If you can catch him in the act, that should be enough to make sure the visits are court-supervised.
Questions (coming from a dad): How old is the child? Why do you want supervised visits? What is it about the dad that makes you not comfortable with him being alone with the child? From what you’ve posted, you don’t seem to have the legal right to make him tell you his location with the child 24/7. Speaking from my experience, my ex tried the same thing with me (supervised visits only – our daughter was around 1 at the time). I told her no! And so did the judge. Fast forward 14 years and my daughter decided to live with me because her mom was way too controlling. Now, my daughter is in college and rarely talks to her mom.
@Brooklyn
The child is 7. My concern is from a specific incident when the father drove drunk with our child. When I went to pick the child up at the designated time, the father was gone and wouldn’t tell me where he was. He eventually showed up drunk with a beer can in the cup holder, and another man was passed out in the car. He also has a history of drug and alcohol abuse, plus domestic violence.
@Odessa
Well, then YES, with this new information, I agree with you completely. I’d recommend getting an attorney and presenting all this evidence to your local court. Your ex is being reckless and putting the child at risk. Best of luck to you and your child’s safety.
StephieStephie said:
‘They agreed and then didn’t’ isn’t enough to make it a violation. There has to be something that puts the child in direct danger.
For example, taking the child somewhere inappropriate.
Yeah, I get it. Something bad has to happen first, and I have to prove it.
It looks like the supervision was voluntary, not court-ordered.
You may not win this one in court.
The longer supervised visits happen without issues, the more likely he could get the supervision lifted.
Telling the biological father that he has to stay at one place or tell you his every move might seem controlling unless you have clear proof that he’s not a safe person.
@Amelia
Right, my question is more about whether the mother’s word counts as valid supervision if she has recently given the father the freedom to decide the visits don’t need supervision. She also hasn’t responded when I pointed out that she agreed to let me know the child’s location. She ignored me for a month after the first unsupervised visit. The father kept answering for her in the group message when I asked why she allowed him to drive unsupervised with the child, which is not allowed by the order.
The only proof they’ve given for his sobriety is their word. Their timelines also don’t match up. The mother claimed he was sober at the beginning of last year, but in his paperwork submitted to the court, his sobriety didn’t start until the second half of the year.
Are you planning to have supervised visits forever? If he’s not there and his mom is, what’s the problem? Just keep a record of everything. With supervised visits, the people doing the supervising will eventually want to know if it’s still necessary. If the dad does everything he’s supposed to, the visits could stop. But be careful what you wish for. If he follows the rules, it could make you look unreasonable.
@Adi
I’m hoping for an unbiased party to confirm that he’s safe, sober, and actively involved with our child. The current supervisor’s word just isn’t trustworthy.
Odessa said: @Adi
I’m hoping for an unbiased party to confirm that he’s safe, sober, and actively involved with our child. The current supervisor’s word just isn’t trustworthy.
File a petition for supervised visits and ask for a GAL.
Can they disregard my request for the child’s location if it’s not explicitly stated in the order?
Almost definitely. They’re not required to follow your request unless it’s specifically stated in the order.
We have a second mediation soon, and I’m wondering if this is serious enough to ask for a court-appointed supervisor along with the violation. I have proof of both, and his mother covered for him when he wasn’t present for the visits.
My husband wanted his family to be the supervisors – and the exact reason I declined that is what you’ve described. That’s why I pushed for a court-appointed supervisor.
Do you really trust them to follow the court order? Because every time they don’t, you’ll have to go to court, which can be a financial burden.