I fought for my child for three years while the mother did everything possible to keep me away. She twisted things and convinced the court of things that never even happened. Eventually, I lost everything—my home, my finances, my car. My mental health was in a bad place, and I made a mistake. I got drunk and drove. I didn’t get caught, I didn’t hurt anyone, but she found out and used it against me in court. They took away my supervised visits.
I kept jumping through hoops, but nothing changed. So I stepped back to fix myself. Now, almost five years later, I’m doing much better and want to be a good father. But going back to court seems pointless. She has her family and friends against me, plus a lawyer, which I can’t afford. I pay $825 a month in child support, but I feel powerless.
It kills me not knowing my son. I want to try again, but the stress of it makes me feel like I’m losing my mind. I’m starting to think my only option is to wait and hope he looks for me when he’s older. If it weren’t for my mom and niece, I don’t know if I’d even be here anymore. I just feel completely worthless.
First things first—get sober, get therapy, and save some money. If you want to be in your child’s life, you have to be stable. If you can, find a lawyer and push for joint custody. If you really want 50/50, you’ll have to fight for it. But if you’re not ready, don’t drag your kid into chaos.
@Uliana
He clearly wants to be there for his child, but he needs to do the work. Kids need stability, not to be treated like property that gets split 50/50. He needs to focus on getting his life in order first.
Plenty of parents have gotten DUIs and still have visitation. You didn’t even have your kid in the car, so how did they justify taking everything away from you?
You need to look into father’s rights groups or legal aid. If she’s blocking all contact, a judge might not like that. Courts aren’t always fair, but you shouldn’t just accept this without a fight.
Did you ever have your child in danger, or was this just used against you because she could?
@Hazel
The drinking, the depression, and the suicidal thoughts are all things that put a child at risk. He needs to get his life together first. Kids don’t need a parent who’s struggling this much. Work on yourself first, then rebuild that relationship.
You didn’t put anyone in harm’s way? Seriously? You got behind the wheel drunk. And you walked away from your kid for years because you couldn’t handle a breakup. That’s not what a parent does.
Go back and read what you wrote. You think you’re healed, but you’re not. Drinking and driving is a big deal, and yeah, that’s enough for the court to take away your visits.
You need to prove you’re stable before you can get your child back in your life. Therapy, sobriety, and time. If you want a relationship with your kid, you have to earn back trust.
A lot of men go through this. Try not to let it destroy you. See if you can work something out with her for small visits instead of jumping straight to court.
Man, I feel for you. Drinking feels like a way to deal with the pain, but it only makes things worse. You need to find a way to fight for your kid that doesn’t destroy you in the process. Look up father’s rights groups. Educate yourself. If you don’t fight for your child now, you may never get another chance.
I’ve seen this happen before, and I promise you, your child misses you. Even if they don’t show it now, they will one day. Keep pushing, but make sure you’re in a good place when you do.
@Elizabeth
Not everything is ‘parental alienation.’ If a parent is unstable, drinking, and making bad choices, the courts are right to be cautious. This isn’t some conspiracy against fathers, it’s about protecting kids.
The fact that you’re still having suicidal thoughts means you aren’t healed. Please get therapy. You had five years—did you use that time to work on yourself?
Wilder said:
Your son deserves to have his father in his life. Don’t give up on him.
I know of a family where the dad struggled with depression and ended his life. Years later, the son did the same. Stability matters. Kids need safe, healthy environments, and sometimes that means stepping back until you’re truly ready. I hope he gets the help he needs so he can be the dad his child deserves.