My wife and I are planning to divorce in 6 months, but for now, we’re still living together in a house we co-own. I’m the only one on the mortgage, but she’s on the title. (Our state requires a 6-month separation period before finalizing a divorce, and we’re allowed to live in the same house as long as we document that there’s no intimacy or much interaction.) No kids involved.
She’s dealing with ongoing mental illness, and despite treatment, it’s getting worse. Tonight, she threatened to burn the house down and said she’d rather see neither of us make money than let me earn a dime. I recorded the threat since we’re in a one-party consent state.
I think she’s mostly bluffing, but she’s been saying she wants me to suffer. The past few nights, she’s unleashed vulgar tirades about my family members (which she’s done before, and I’ve documented it). Recently, she threw all my clothes on the floor because she bought the dresser before we met. She’s also threatened to lie to get me fired from my job.
Should I move out and get an apartment, even though that’s what she wants? It would be financially tough, especially since she’s likely going to stop paying into the mortgage.
Since she’s on the title, can I force her to sell the house?
Is this pattern of emotional abuse (which I’ve documented) enough for an at-fault divorce based on cruelty?
Definitely consult with your lawyer to figure out the best way to move forward—whether that means getting a restraining order, having her moved out, or even getting her hospitalized if needed. Keep your plans quiet for now.
Threats and emotional abuse are serious issues—they can become both legal and psychological problems. Being in such a toxic environment will wear on you emotionally. The fact that she’s escalating her threats is a big red flag. You’re doing the right thing by documenting everything.
Here’s what I think about your situation:
Should you move out?
Yes, it’s what she wants, but your safety and peace of mind are more important. Moving out could be financially tough, but staying in that environment could be much worse for your mental health and safety. Since you have documentation of her threats, talk to your lawyer about options like getting a restraining order or exclusive use of the home.
Can you force her to sell?
It’s not a simple yes or no. Since she’s on the title, you may not be able to force a sale without going to court. During the divorce, the court will usually decide how to divide the property, which could mean selling the house or one of you buying out the other’s share. Since you’re the one on the mortgage, you’ll want to talk to your lawyer about how to use that to your advantage.
Can emotional abuse be grounds for an at-fault divorce?
Yes, emotional abuse and cruelty can be grounds for an at-fault divorce, depending on your state. The fact that you’ve documented her behavior will strengthen your case. She’s made threats to destroy property, verbally abused you and your family, and threatened your job. Use everything you’ve documented to protect yourself legally.