I’ve been raising my grandchild for over a year, and now that my daughter (his mom) has passed, the father suddenly wants custody. He hasn’t made an effort in seven years, but now that he can get Social Security benefits for having him, he wants to take him.
He has four other kids—three live with their mom, and he rarely sees them. He let another man adopt the fourth to avoid paying child support.
We filed for custody because we need insurance for our grandson, and we’ve taken him to every doctor and dentist appointment since birth. The father doesn’t want us filing anything because he stands to lose the government money. My grandson is still with us, but the father keeps threatening to move him to his school district and always brings up money. We even offered to go to a lawyer together to make sure he had rights too, but he refuses.
Will a judge consider how he’s abandoned his other children? Do we even have a chance?
Legally, the father is the only parent with rights, and unless he is proven unfit, he will likely get custody. Based on what you said, your chances don’t look great.
Washington said:
Legally, the father is the only parent with rights, and unless he is proven unfit, he will likely get custody. Based on what you said, your chances don’t look great.
So our lawyer is just taking our money for nothing?
Washington said:
Legally, the father is the only parent with rights, and unless he is proven unfit, he will likely get custody. Based on what you said, your chances don’t look great.
How do you figure he’s involved? He hasn’t done anything for years.
You need a lawyer for this. The father has legal rights, but since your daughter passed, you might be able to get visitation through grandparent rights. Full custody is harder unless he agrees to it.
Eren said:
You need a lawyer for this. The father has legal rights, but since your daughter passed, you might be able to get visitation through grandparent rights. Full custody is harder unless he agrees to it.
We have a lawyer. The father has never fought any legal custody cases before, and he refuses to deal with a lawyer now. He only started wanting custody when money got involved. He even lied to Social Security about where my grandson has been living.
@Cassidy
It sounds like he wants the check, not the child. If he really just wants the money, he can collect benefits without having the child full-time. Would you be willing to let him keep the benefits if he gives you legal guardianship so you can handle medical and school matters?
@Toby
We already told him he could keep the benefits. We even gave him the paperwork to file. He never had an issue with us before, but now he suddenly doesn’t trust us. He’s never paid child support either.
Toby said: @Cassidy
Maybe a mediator would help? It’s not a lawyer, so he might be more open to talking things through.
He won’t listen to anyone. He just showed up with a police officer demanding to take my grandson. Even the cop told him it was a bad idea to uproot a grieving 7-year-old from his school, friends, and family. But he only cares about getting that check.
Now my grandson is living with this man’s girlfriend’s kids, who are responsible for getting him on the school bus to a worse school. It’s a mess, but legally, he gets ‘his money.’
@Cassidy
At this point, custody is probably out of reach, but you should at least push for visitation. You’ve been a big part of his life, and courts recognize that. It might not be full custody, but you could get weekends, holidays, and summer visits.
Unless he’s abusive or neglectful, the court will always favor the parent over a grandparent. If things get really bad for your grandson, that’s when you’d have a better chance of stepping in legally.
@Toby
Doesn’t the father have to actually fight for custody, though? If he doesn’t show up to court, wouldn’t that work against him?
I’ll talk to my lawyer, but I don’t see how pulling out now helps. If judges just hand custody over to parents no matter what, the system is worse than I thought.
@Cassidy
If he won’t fight, that could help your case, but courts don’t take kids from parents easily. One option is to offer him a deal—drop the case if he agrees to let you have legal guardianship while he keeps the benefits. If he agrees, he can always revoke it later, but if you’ve had guardianship for a while, that gives you more legal ground to fight for custody later.
If he refuses, then keep fighting. But just know this will be a long, expensive battle, and winning isn’t easy.
@Toby
We never asked to be the payee. We did everything we could to help him get the check, even gave him all the paperwork. He either doesn’t remember or just doesn’t trust us now.
We aren’t rich—we live on Social Security, but we planned well and own a nice home. I have some money to fight this but not unlimited resources. I’ve been through custody battles before, so I know how long they can take.
I don’t think my grandson will last long over there. He begged to come back during visits before this. If that weren’t the case, I’d drop it. Can we put the case on hold?