How can I stay with my dad? What do I need to show the judge?

Family Law Support Forum
1

My dad is going to court over me, and I live with my mom right now. She says things won’t go well for him in court, but I really want to live with him full-time. What can I do to help make that happen?

I’m 13, so I hope my opinion matters. Would things like pictures of my room help? It’s in the basement, and there’s a lot of mold. There are also seven people living in this two-bedroom house (three teens, two adults, and two toddlers).

I don’t want CPS involved because my mom said she would kill my dad and grandma if they ever came to the house.

Also, if I get to live with my dad, would I be able to take my things with me? Like my phone, game consoles, and clothes?

2

Start keeping records. If your mom has hurt you or threatened you, tell a school counselor or even the police. You should also send proof to your dad so he can try to get an emergency order.

3

If you’re at school, go straight to the guidance counselor and tell them about the abuse. They are required to report it and help you.

4

I’m a lawyer, but not your lawyer. Just giving general advice, not legal advice.

You shouldn’t have to worry about all this. It’s not fair that you even know about the court case. The adults in your life should be protecting you, not dragging you into this.

But if you’re in danger, the most important thing is to tell a trusted adult—someone at school, a teacher, a counselor. They can help you get to a safe place.

5

Tell your school counselor what’s going on. Show them pictures of your living conditions if you can.

6

You’re 13, which means your opinion might be considered, but it depends on your state. Your dad’s lawyer will know what to do. It’s probably best if you don’t get directly involved in the court case yourself.

7

Talk to your school counselor. They can help get the right people involved.

8

Take pictures of your room, especially the mold. If your mom has hurt you and you have any marks, take pictures of that too. If you have texts or voicemails of her threats, send them to your dad or his lawyer.

Does your dad know what your living situation is like? Does he know about the number of people in the house and the mold in your room? Mold can be really dangerous to your health.

If anything else happens, document it and send it to your dad.

9

I know you’re scared, but your safety comes first. Your mom is using threats to control you, and she might not follow through. But even if she did, that’s not your fault. Your dad needs to get a guardian ad litem—someone who will represent YOU in court.

As a mom myself, I want you to know that you deserve better.

10

If someone threatens my family, I report it. No one should have that kind of power over you. Even a tough living situation is better than being in danger.

11

Check what your state says about kids choosing which parent to live with. In some places, 13 is old enough for the court to consider your wishes. But no matter what, your safety comes first.

12

I told my mom before that I wanted to live with my dad, and she choked me and pulled out some of my hair. She really doesn’t want me to go.

13

Choking is one of the biggest warning signs of serious danger. If you passed out, even for a second, it could have killed you. Statistically, people who choke their family members are way more likely to escalate to something worse.

Please, tell someone. A school counselor is required to report this, and it could help you get out.

14

Your dad should file an emergency order to get you out now.

Write everything down—dates, what happened, what she said. When people are stressed, they forget details, and you need to remember as much as possible.

Please know that none of this is your fault. No one should treat you this way.

15

You said you don’t want CPS involved, but this is serious abuse. If your state allows it, you could secretly record what happens. If she threatens you or your dad again, having proof could help you move out.

16

Your dad needs to get a lawyer and file for an emergency custody order. At your age, the court will likely listen to what you want.

If your dad picks you up now and files, the police usually won’t make you go back to your mom until a judge makes a decision.

17

You don’t have to prove much. Take pictures of your living conditions, send them to your dad, and ask to speak in court.

Your things (phone, games, clothes) might depend on who bought them, but your dad can include them in the custody agreement request.

18

Take photos of your living space, especially the mold, and talk to your school counselor. They can help guide you through what to do next.

19

And don’t forget to document the abuse. If your mom choked you, that’s a serious crime.

20

Write a letter explaining why you want to live with your dad and attach the pictures. Have your dad give it to his lawyer to submit to the judge. This way, your words go straight to the court.