I’m due in April. The dad has been on and off; he said he would help me, but he hasn’t followed through except once, and that took a month. I stopped talking to him because he has no excuse. If anything, it feels like sabotage. I’ve bought everything myself because I prefer to be prepared rather than scrambling at the last minute, especially since I no longer have a set due date due to complications, and it hurts to move. I do plan on getting an attorney. The dad lives two hours away and has said some pretty bad things to me. My biggest fear is that he’ll try to flip the script and claim that I’m not being cooperative. I’m in a fortunate situation living next to my parents. I’m considering offering him the option to stay there on weekends, with the condition that only family is allowed. While he’s there, I would stay at my parents’ house so I can continue breastfeeding. My questions are: 1. Does this arrangement sound reasonable until the baby is no longer breastfeeding and can tolerate longer car rides? 2. Will this reflect well in court as an effort to cooperate and work out a fair arrangement?
You’re trying too hard. You don’t have to do anything unless court ordered. Even if you want to ‘look good,’ you don’t need to be proactive. Just be fair when he makes requests. Apply for child support as soon as the baby is born.
No. You don’t even have to tell him when you go to the hospital. Just let him know once the baby’s born. Don’t put him on the birth certificate. Enjoy your pregnancy and postpartum in peace. Being cooperative doesn’t mean doing things for him.
Think about keeping the status quo. If you don’t really want him there, let it be. Life as is might be best.
Don’t make any offer. Decide what you want, working with a lawyer, and present it as ‘the plan.’ If he wants to change it, let him file. Your job isn’t to facilitate his relationship with the child anymore.
He lives 2 hours away and the baby isn’t here yet. Wait until after the baby is born to see if he steps up as a father. Your child won’t blame you for keeping their dad away from them.
As long as you don’t block him, it can’t be said that you’re not cooperative. Continue to give him pertinent details about the baby, but you don’t have to let him at the birth. Document everything.
Do not do anything at this time. He needs to be the one to make the moves and file a case. You are trying to control a situation that isn’t possible to control.
Honestly, talk to a lawyer now so you know what the possible outcomes are. Don’t try to negotiate until then.
I wouldn’t agree to anything until the baby is born and dad has used the proper channels to establish parentage and custody. Let him prove he will be a positive influence.
If he is not aggressive, I would offer visits with the baby somewhere you are comfortable. Make sure you note your efforts and his responses.
If you want to keep the peace, you could consider allowing short visits but should not offer him a place to stay or overnight time at the start.