My co-parent has been dropping off our child a day late for weeks now. Now they’re saying their spouse can’t do the driving anymore, but they refuse to do it themselves—even though they have a car and a license. Their reason? They don’t want to put their other kids in the car.
The court ordered them to handle all transportation because they moved out of state before a relocation hearing was even scheduled. That hearing eventually happened in September 2020, and a temporary plan was put in place. But during that time, they cut off all contact and moved again. I filed for contempt, they didn’t show up, and I was granted sole custody until another hearing in March 2021. By then, my child was settled in school, so I gave up fighting the relocation issue. The judge ruled that co-parent had to handle all pick-ups and drop-offs.
Now they’re just ignoring that order. I tried to be flexible and suggested adding the missed time to the summer schedule so our child still gets all their days here, but they ignored me for days. When they finally responded, it was just to say I was being “nitpicky” and that I should have waited for a better time to talk.
At what point does this become contempt? I let it go the first few times because I didn’t know it was a permanent change. But now it seems like they just don’t want to follow the order.
TL;DR: Co-parent refuses to drive for court-ordered drop-offs, ignored my attempt to adjust the schedule, and keeps bringing our child a day late. When does this become a legal issue?
UPDATE: Co-parent now says they actually don’t have a license. But they’ve been driving our child to the bus stop in the mornings, so that doesn’t add up. Originally, they said they just didn’t want to bring their other kids along for the ride. Now they’re claiming a judge wouldn’t grant me any make-up time and outright refused to add the missed days to summer. I even offered mediation, but I’m still waiting for a response. The last message I got was a long rant full of accusations, insults about my parenting, and even details about their medical history. It was… a lot.
Did they at least tell you ahead of time that they’d be late? How much notice did you get? Was it a heads-up or a surprise when they showed up? Also, does the court order say they personally have to do the driving, or does it just say they’re responsible for arranging transportation?
If this has been happening regularly with no good excuse, I’d file for contempt. Keep track of every instance and ask for penalties and legal fees. Also, have you checked your child’s school attendance? If they’re struggling with transportation, they might also be missing school or appointments.
@Chandler
The first time it happened, they told me the night before that their spouse couldn’t drive, so the drop-off would be a day late. But they never said this was a permanent thing. When it happened a third time, I finally asked if this was their new schedule, and they admitted it was.
My child’s school attendance is actually really bad. Last year, they missed 20 days. I have the school letters and attendance records.
Technically, they’re in contempt the moment they don’t follow the court order. If they’re supposed to drop off at 6:00 PM on Saturday and don’t show, they’re in contempt by 6:01. Of course, judges don’t usually punish minor delays or emergencies. But this doesn’t sound like that. Keep records of every missed drop-off. And I’d message them something like, ‘You’ve dropped off late three weeks in a row. If we don’t agree to a plan to make up the time in writing, I’ll be filing for contempt on [date].’
@Sydney
What actually happens if a judge finds someone in contempt? Is it just a warning, or do they have to pay fines?
I’m dealing with something similar—my ex refuses to apply for our kid’s passport, even though they’re court-ordered to do it. It’s been four months, and every time I bring it up, they make excuses. It’s already cost us two planned trips.
@Mika
Depends on the judge and how bad the violations are. They could just get a warning, or they could get fined, ordered to make up the time, put on probation, or even jailed. It’s really up to the judge.
About the passport—could you make the appointment yourself and just have them show up to sign? Or is it something they’re required to do personally?
@Sydney
Tried that. The court order specifically says they have to apply. They just keep dodging it. We’ve missed two vacations already because of this. They even said, ‘Yeah, maybe when I get around to it.’ I’m done waiting. I think I’ll file contempt on this and a bunch of other issues at the same time.
@Sydney
I’ve been avoiding threats of court action, but co-parent actually told me, ‘If you got a problem, file contempt or whatever paperwork makes you happy.’ Then they went on a rant about how the judge would throw everything out. I didn’t take the bait. I just asked again if they were agreeing to the new schedule or not. No response.
Sydney said: @Noor
Honestly, this sounds like someone who’s just going to keep pushing boundaries until you take them to court.
I know. I’ve been trying to be patient, but it’s getting harder. We use Our Family Wizard for communication, which I hoped would help, but it really hasn’t changed much.
Dar said:
Would you try mediation before filing for contempt? Judges like to see that you at least tried to work it out first.
Yeah, I’d be open to it, but I don’t know how to set it up or if it costs money. Things are tight financially, and I doubt they’d want to pay for it either. I tried handling it outside of court by suggesting the summer schedule change, but they flat-out refused. It’s not about ‘owing me’ time—it’s about our child getting the time they deserve. I just worry this is going to get worse.
