MIL is taking care of my baby… what do I do?

Seeking Help
1

Things aren’t great between me and my baby’s dad right now, and I’m worried he might try to take my baby from me. We both work in different cities, and while I live a couple of hours away, he’s about seven hours from his mom, who is currently taking care of the baby.

Do I need to be sending money to his mom just in case? And how does custody even work? I don’t want to get into a big legal mess if I can avoid it.

I’m also an immigrant, and he’s a US citizen, which makes me even more nervous about how this could play out.

2

You need to talk to a lawyer. Is his name on the birth certificate?

3

Lennie said:
You need to talk to a lawyer. Is his name on the birth certificate?

Yes, it is.

4

Wait… your baby isn’t with you? How often do you see them? You’re setting yourself up for trouble.

5

Serenity said:
Wait… your baby isn’t with you? How often do you see them? You’re setting yourself up for trouble.

No, the baby is with his mom. He and I both work in different cities. I visit when I can.

6

@Tyson
So neither of you are actually raising your own child? That’s not good.

Edit: You’re basically absent, the baby is with grandma, and you aren’t even sending money? What are you thinking?

7

Serenity said:
@Tyson
So neither of you are actually raising your own child? That’s not good.

Edit: You’re basically absent, the baby is with grandma, and you aren’t even sending money? What are you thinking?

He also keeps threatening to report me for child abduction if I take the baby anywhere.

8

Serenity said:
@Tyson
So neither of you are actually raising your own child? That’s not good.

Edit: You’re basically absent, the baby is with grandma, and you aren’t even sending money? What are you thinking?

I just started a new job, and I had no money for daycare. I told his mom I would start helping with rent once I get my first paycheck.

9

How often do you actually see your child?

You need to get a custody order that reflects reality. If you want to keep custody, you can’t just disappear from your kid’s life. Try to visit consistently, maybe every other weekend since that’s common.

10

@Xyla
I go every other weekend, sometimes every weekend.

11

Tyson said:
@Xyla
I go every other weekend, sometimes every weekend.

Are you paying child support to the father? If not, why not?

If his mother is watching the baby, that’s his responsibility unless she has legal guardianship.

What do you mean by ‘I don’t wanna go through it if it’s a headache’? Are you saying you don’t want to pay support for a baby you only see a handful of times a month?

Do you have a legal custody order? If you do, follow it exactly. If you don’t, you need to get one ASAP.

12

@pesho
No, there’s no custody agreement yet. I do want to send money, but I don’t know if it should go to him or his mom since she’s the one taking care of the baby.

13

Tyson said:
@pesho
No, there’s no custody agreement yet. I do want to send money, but I don’t know if it should go to him or his mom since she’s the one taking care of the baby.

You really need a legal custody order and a formal child support arrangement. If you don’t want to do that yet, then send the money to your child’s father and make it clear that it’s for your share of the baby’s expenses.

His deal with his mom is between them unless she has legal guardianship. If you do talk to her, just let her know you’re sending money to him. If she wants money for babysitting, that’s something she should discuss with him, not you.

But seriously, get legal help. Right now, he probably has full control over the situation, and if he wanted to move across the country with the baby, what’s stopping him? You need a custody order.

14

@pesho
Yeah, I plan to send him money as soon as I start getting paid. I also want to move the baby to where I live, but he’s already making a big deal about it.