My ex is way behind on child support. In the past, his wife let their tax refund be taken to cover the overdue payments, but she stopped because she’s sick of him not pulling his weight at home. Honestly, I don’t blame her—it’s her money. I never expected her to cover for him.
Turns out he was also lying for years about trying to get disability. He kept saying he was dealing with paperwork, but we found out he never even applied.
What I don’t get is how he’s this far behind and still hasn’t faced any real consequences. He’s already on probation for drug charges. And now, he’s in jail and will probably end up in prison. He got locked up for violating probation from a domestic violence charge last summer, and now he’s got a new DV case on top of that.
So what happens now? Am I just out of luck? He hasn’t followed a single part of our parenting plan—no child support, no health insurance, doesn’t pay for half of extracurriculars, nothing. My kids are 17 (almost 18) and 16, and they’ve been done with him for a long time. I don’t blame them.
Any payment at all would help, especially with my oldest starting college soon. But is there any way to actually get anything out of him at this point?
While he’s locked up, there’s obviously no way he can pay. And when he gets out, he probably still won’t have a way to pay. I get how unfair this is for you, but at some point, what do you realistically expect?
Your kids’ dad is a deadbeat. And honestly, the chances of him getting a decent-paying job after all this are basically zero. If he does face consequences, it’ll just make it even harder for him to work, which means even less chance of you getting money.
I get that it would feel good for him to be held accountable, but what does that actually do for you? And I’ll just say—if you haven’t already—never talk about this stuff to your kids. My mom always told me how my dad never helped, and even when I became an adult, she kept complaining about how he still owed her. Instead of making me resent him more, I actually started feeling sorry for him.
Let your ex ruin his relationship with them on his own. No need to help him dig that hole.
@North
This is a solid take. At some point, you just have to accept that it’s never going to happen. You can keep pushing for it, but is it worth the stress?
@Reed
That wasn’t my experience. My ex was on SSDI, and they still took the overdue payments from his benefits. The regular support stopped, but I got every penny he owed. Plus, my daughter got auxiliary benefits because he was on disability.
Which county are you in? Get on good terms with the child support enforcement office. Know the attorneys, call often, make sure they remember your case.
The more noise you make, the better your chances of getting action. If you’re in Greene County, I know some of the people there personally.
Just here to say you’re not alone. My ex will be $12k behind by the end of this month. They’ve tried everything except actually prosecuting him.
At the end of the day, if someone refuses to pay, there’s only so much the state can do. My ex has lost his license, passport, has liens and wage garnishments, and still… nothing.
If by ‘screwed’ you mean they can’t take money he doesn’t have, then yeah, you’re kind of stuck. The debt will keep adding up, and maybe someday—if he gets Social Security—you’ll get something.
Gerald said:
If by ‘screwed’ you mean they can’t take money he doesn’t have, then yeah, you’re kind of stuck. The debt will keep adding up, and maybe someday—if he gets Social Security—you’ll get something.
Exactly. Do NOT let them modify it to a lower amount. Just let it sit there. If he ever gets a tax refund or wins the lottery, you’ll be at the front of the line.
Crazy story: after years of only getting $25 every two weeks through garnishment, I randomly got the full $12k in overdue support in one lump sum. Turned out my ex wanted a passport and had to pay up. I never thought I’d see that money, but here we are.
