Did not see this coming. I let him come to my house to see our baby, even though my parents don’t like him. But now he’s saying he wants to take our baby to his house alone so his family can see him. I told him they’re welcome to visit here, but they refuse because they don’t want anything to do with me. Since he decided to go to court, I’ve decided to wait until it’s all settled before letting him see the baby again. What are the chances he’ll actually get to take my 2-month-old without me? He’s asking for shared custody, but I really don’t think they’d take my baby away from me. I just need to know if he could end up getting unsupervised time. I don’t think he’ll take care of the baby properly.
If he’s the dad, he has a right to see his child unless there’s a real reason he shouldn’t. It’s called co-parenting.
Some people act like just because they gave birth, the other parent has no rights. It doesn’t work that way.
Unless you can prove he’s abusive or unfit, he’s going to get time alone with the baby. Probably not overnight right away, especially if you’re breastfeeding, but unsupervised time? Definitely. Courts like to gradually increase time with the other parent.
I wouldn’t give him time alone until the court settles it, though. If you hand over the baby now, there’s nothing stopping him from keeping the baby until the court sorts it out. Let him visit at your house or in a public place for now.
Good for him. You don’t get to make all the decisions just because you gave birth.
Oh, and it’s our baby, not just yours.
Will he get time alone with the baby? 100% yes.
Courts also look at whether a parent encourages the child’s relationship with the other parent. Right now, you’re not looking great in that department.
There’s almost no chance he won’t get unsupervised visits.
You keep saying my baby, but you mean our baby.
If he wants 50/50 custody, he’ll probably get it. Maybe not right away since the baby is so young, but it’ll happen sooner rather than later.
Carter said:
You keep saying my baby, but you mean our baby.
If he wants 50/50 custody, he’ll probably get it. Maybe not right away since the baby is so young, but it’ll happen sooner rather than later.
Yeah, and if you try to block him from seeing the baby, that could backfire on you. Courts don’t like it when a parent tries to cut the other one out—judges take that very seriously. You could end up getting less time with the baby because of it.
@Darwin
Exactly. Waiting until the court decides could take months, and the judge is going to see that as you keeping the baby away from the dad on purpose. That won’t look good for you.
OP, I get that this is stressful, but your child deserves both parents. You might not like your ex, but this isn’t about him—it’s about your baby having a father in his life.
You are a parent, not the parent. He has a legal right to be in his child’s life. More than that, he should be involved. Courts don’t like it when one parent tries to control everything.
Unless you have proof that he’s a danger to the baby, you’re going to have to co-parent. If you keep trying to keep him away, the court might put things in place to make sure he gets his rights. You might not like his family, but that doesn’t mean they don’t get to know their grandchild.
This is going to be a long road. You two are connected for life because of this baby. The sooner you figure out how to work together, the better it’ll be for everyone—especially your child.
Most likely, they’ll start him with a few hours of unsupervised time and work up to overnights when the baby is around 6 months. Eventually, he could end up with 50/50 if that’s what he wants.
You don’t have to like him or his family, but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t see the baby. You say you don’t know if he can take care of the baby—how is he supposed to learn if you never give him the chance? Every parent is new at this at some point. He’ll figure it out, just like you did.
Joint custody is pretty standard now. If I were him, I’d be doing the same thing. He has the right to be a parent without you watching over his shoulder.
You need a lawyer. Courts usually go for 50/50 unless there’s a real reason not to. Keeping the baby from him until the court decides isn’t going to help your case. If anything, it’ll make you look bad.
If you start breastfeeding again, it might limit how much time he gets at first. But don’t expect that to last forever. Eventually, he’ll get overnights and more time as the baby gets older. The law treats both parents as equals.
I’ve seen too many kids get stuck between fighting parents. It’s not good for them. Hope you can find a way to make this work for your baby’s sake.
@Willow
I’m mostly pumping right now. Do you think that still counts? I really don’t want to be away from my baby more than I already am.
Arden said:
@Willow
I’m mostly pumping right now. Do you think that still counts? I really don’t want to be away from my baby more than I already am.
If you’re pumping, then he or his family can also feed the baby a bottle. Breastfeeding alone isn’t a reason to keep him from his child.
He’s the father. He doesn’t need your permission to spend time with his own child.
Unless his home is unsafe, he’s allowed to take the baby there. His family is also allowed to be involved.
Saying I don’t think he’ll take good care of him isn’t enough. The court will need an actual reason to limit his custody.
@Nevaeh
It’s strange how many moms think dads have to get their approval just to have time with their own child.
If you didn’t trust him to be a good dad, why did you have a baby with him?
He doesn’t need to see the baby at your house or on your terms. Unless he’s abusive, he gets to parent however he sees fit when it’s his time with the baby. That’s how custody works.