I have full custody of my son because my ex was abusive to him and also to me. She’s only allowed to see him three times a week for a few hours. Every time she picks him up, she texts me things like, “You didn’t put his eczema cream on” (when I did) or “He has a fever, and you didn’t give him medicine” (when I checked his temp right before he left, and it was 98.4).
Now that she’s lost custody, I feel like she’s trying to create a paper trail of ‘neglect’ so she can try to take me to court and get custody back.
I take care of my kid 100%. He’s on the spectrum, and I make sure all his needs are met. I stay in close contact with his doctors, and I’m involved in his schooling.
At this point, it just feels like harassment. How do I handle this? I don’t see it stopping anytime soon.
Do you have a restraining order? If not, consider getting one.
Also, if she keeps sending these messages, you might be able to argue that she’s violating custody orders. Some courts will even limit her to one message per day if it becomes excessive.
Talk to your lawyer about switching all communication to a parenting app like Our Family Wizard.
When she accuses you of something, keep your response short and neutral:
“His temperature was 98.4 when he left.”
If she argues:
“I disagree.” or “I can only speak to what I observed.”
Don’t go back and forth with her. If she pushes, just stop responding.
Honestly, I’m surprised she even has unsupervised visits after proven abuse. You might want to ask the court to require professional supervision for visits. I’d also push for a rule that she can’t take him to a doctor unless it’s an emergency and she informs you immediately. Some parents try to use unnecessary medical visits to accuse the other parent of neglect.
Legally, ‘harassment’ means something different than just being annoying.
It sounds like she’s trying to make you look like a neglectful parent so she can fight for custody later. That doesn’t mean she’ll succeed. The fact that she only gets supervised visits already shows that the court sees her as a risk to your child. Even if she could prove minor neglect on your part (which she can’t), that wouldn’t undo her own history.
Stick to a single communication method (like a parenting app), respond to important concerns, and ignore the rest. You can’t control what she says, but you can make sure your side of things is well-documented.
Get a parenting app for all communication. AppClose is free. Deny false accusations, but don’t argue. She’s just looking for something to use against you.
My ex does the same thing—claims I dress our daughter in clothes that are too small, that I don’t brush her teeth, etc.
Been to court twice now, and let me tell you—nobody cares. I stopped stressing over it and taking pictures of everything because it just wasn’t worth it.
Document EVERYTHING. Use a parenting app. Keep your responses short and only communicate in writing. Consider requesting a third party for exchanges or parallel parenting if this escalates.