I’m going through a divorce, and in the process, I found out that my stepson sexually assaulted his girlfriend. He admitted it to both his mom and dad. His girlfriend told me about it too. What happens now? What can be done with this information?
If he’s under 18, studies show that young offenders who get proper help have a better chance of not doing it again. But getting him into a program or treatment usually only happens if there are charges. The main focus should be supporting the girlfriend, though that’s up to her.
@Etta
Even if charges aren’t filed, he should get counseling for this kind of behavior.
I hope he faces charges. If the girlfriend wants to report it, stand by her and help however you can.
Nothing will happen unless she reports it.
What exactly are you asking? Are you thinking about keeping this quiet?
Report it to the police. Do you really want this on your conscience if he does it again?
@Florian
Some good points here, but yeah, focusing on legal options is the way to go. Everyone always wants to argue in these threads instead of helping.
If this girl was assaulted, she should get legal help and report it if she’s ready. You can support her, but the decision has to be hers.
Valen said:
If this girl was assaulted, she should get legal help and report it if she’s ready. You can support her, but the decision has to be hers.
Let’s keep this helpful and legal-focused. If the girlfriend wants to report, give her resources to do so.
Valen said:
If this girl was assaulted, she should get legal help and report it if she’s ready. You can support her, but the decision has to be hers.
People who are assaulted sometimes don’t realize how much they’ve been manipulated. Instead of judging, maybe try some empathy.
As far as your divorce goes, it probably won’t change anything unless you have a child who would be around him.
She should report it to the police. If she’s scared, she can call a sexual assault hotline like RAINN for help.
daisytallisman said:
She should report it to the police. If she’s scared, she can call a sexual assault hotline like RAINN for help.
Why would this get downvoted? It’s literally the right thing to do.
There are too many unknowns to give a solid answer here. Does your spouse have other kids? How old is your stepson? Where does he live? How did his parents react?
I’m not saying you should post all this here—actually, don’t. Just know that any legal action depends on the details.
The girlfriend can report it, but once she does, the case is in the hands of the police and the prosecutor. She doesn’t get to decide if charges move forward. The police sometimes ask if a victim wants to ‘press charges,’ but what they really mean is, ‘Will you cooperate if we arrest him?’ If there’s other evidence, they might not need her permission at all.
For your divorce, this probably won’t matter unless it involves custody. And legally, you can’t bring up things in court that you only heard secondhand. The girlfriend would have to testify herself.
You need to talk to a lawyer privately.
@Nicol
Well, it ended up coming out in court another way. Nobody denied it.
@Nicol
Isn’t rape a felony where the state takes over if someone confesses? Other people know about this too, and they wouldn’t lie under oath.
Florence said:
@Nicol
Isn’t rape a felony where the state takes over if someone confesses? Other people know about this too, and they wouldn’t lie under oath.
The judge could pass the info to the prosecutor, but it’s not likely unless there’s more to go on. The court only heard that it happened, not any real details. If the girlfriend reports it, what was said in court might help, but it’s really up to her.
If the girlfriend is under 18, her parents would have to be involved in making a report. If she’s an adult, it’s her decision.
You can give her resources and support, but the police won’t take a report from you if you weren’t directly involved.
Are you asking because you think this will affect your divorce?
@Blake
No, we don’t have kids together. She’s an adult. She told me, ‘I’ve been through worse.’ It’s heartbreaking. I found out about this while I thought I was in a happy marriage. I didn’t tell my husband at first because I didn’t want to hurt him. The stepson told on himself. He treated her terribly in other ways too, and I kept telling my husband he needed help.