Need advice about separation in NC... anyone been through this?

Hey everyone, I’m looking for advice about my upcoming separation in North Carolina. My husband (66) surprised me with wanting to separate. We’ve been married 4.5 years, no kids, and we live in a home he purchased way before we got married. The income gap between us is huge—he makes around $350k a year, and I make $70k. He has a big 401B and owns a successful small business, while I don’t have much except my car.

He’s been pretty cruel about it, even had his lawyer send me a separation agreement offering basically nothing. I know this is headed to court. I’ve contributed a lot during our marriage—emotionally and otherwise—but will the court even care? Also, would I qualify for spousal support during separation or after the divorce? What am I likely entitled to in terms of assets?

Lastly, things have gotten really bad lately. He’s been intimidating, emotionally abusive, and even pushed me the other night. Will the court take that kind of behavior into account? Appreciate any insights!

Sorry you’re going through this. Courts in NC do look at asset increases during the marriage. Like, if his 401B grew, the growth could be split.

Blakeley said:
Sorry you’re going through this. Courts in NC do look at asset increases during the marriage. Like, if his 401B grew, the growth could be split.

Thanks! Do you know if emotional abuse or physical incidents matter to the court in this kind of situation?

Blakeley said:
Sorry you’re going through this. Courts in NC do look at asset increases during the marriage. Like, if his 401B grew, the growth could be split.

From what I know, emotional abuse doesn’t usually affect asset splits unless there’s a prenup. For physical stuff, IDK, maybe someone else can weigh in?

I think you might qualify for temporary spousal support during separation if the income gap is huge. Long-term alimony might be less likely since it’s a short marriage.

Eliana said:
I think you might qualify for temporary spousal support during separation if the income gap is huge. Long-term alimony might be less likely since it’s a short marriage.

Yeah, NC courts usually consider the marriage length. Short marriages mean shorter alimony periods. But it’s worth fighting for!

Eliana said:
I think you might qualify for temporary spousal support during separation if the income gap is huge. Long-term alimony might be less likely since it’s a short marriage.

Makes sense. I guess I need to focus on the separation period support first. Thanks!

The intimidation and physical stuff are concerning. Maybe document it all and talk to a lawyer? It could matter for custody if there were kids, but here IDK.

Angelina said:
The intimidation and physical stuff are concerning. Maybe document it all and talk to a lawyer? It could matter for custody if there were kids, but here IDK.

I’ve been writing everything down. Not sure if it’ll help much since we don’t have kids, but it’s worth a try.

Angelina said:
The intimidation and physical stuff are concerning. Maybe document it all and talk to a lawyer? It could matter for custody if there were kids, but here IDK.

Documenting is smart. Even if it doesn’t affect the assets, it could show a pattern of behavior. Courts don’t like intimidation.

If he’s pushing you around, maybe look into getting a protective order? Just for safety, you know?

Violet said:
If he’s pushing you around, maybe look into getting a protective order? Just for safety, you know?

I’ve thought about that, but I’m not sure how it’d affect the separation process. Does anyone know?

Violet said:
If he’s pushing you around, maybe look into getting a protective order? Just for safety, you know?

It shouldn’t hurt the separation process. Safety first, always. A lawyer can help with that too.

Hey, just curious—what’s a 401B? I’ve heard of 401Ks but not that.

Murphy said:
Hey, just curious—what’s a 401B? I’ve heard of 401Ks but not that.

Good question lol. It’s similar to a 401K but for public sector employees and nonprofits. Basically a retirement account.

Murphy said:
Hey, just curious—what’s a 401B? I’ve heard of 401Ks but not that.

Ahh got it, thanks! Makes sense now.