I have a 13-year-old daughter who lives with me full-time. Her dad and I were never married. I had her when I was 18, and every few years, he takes me to court for custody. The most recent time was this past December. He didn’t get custody, but we did finalize a parenting plan, since before that, things were pretty loose. As my daughter got older, she didn’t want to go to his house as much, which led to problems—along with other issues.
We have to communicate through the parenting app My Family Wizard. I asked him if I could take our daughter to Arizona from April 16 to May 4 and, in exchange, he could have her for spring break this year. That way, he wouldn’t lose any time overall. He would miss two weekday visits and one weekend visit, but spring break would give him more time than he would miss.
He said he would agree only if I came back by May 2 for his graduation. I told him no because I wasn’t going to plan my entire trip around that, and May 2 falls on my weekend anyway.
Now he’s saying I can’t take her. I told him I’m still going, and he can have her for spring break, but he contacted his lawyer and is now threatening to take me to court to stop the trip.
Is there a way for me to file in court to ask for permission instead of going back and forth through lawyers? Also, our parenting plan hasn’t been signed by the court yet. Is it normal to keep using lawyers to mediate? I’m so tired of the constant legal threats.
Did he only threaten court after you told him you were taking your daughter on the trip anyway? If you want to avoid legal battles and extra costs, it might be better to stick to the agreement. Judges don’t like when parents go against what was decided. You both need to figure out a way to co-parent without constantly running to lawyers and court. At the end of the day, the only ones benefiting from this are the attorneys.
Not a lawyer, but you should follow your agreement. If it says you need his permission to switch dates and he said no, then that’s the answer. If your daughter has to miss school for this, the court might not be on your side.
@Sun
I wasn’t very clear in my original post—I was upset when I wrote it. I did go back and offer a compromise. I agreed to bring her back for his graduation. He’s getting more time over spring break than he’d be missing during the trip. He threatened me with his lawyer even after I agreed to his conditions. My daughter is 14.
@Sun
It sounds like you’re expecting him to compromise but aren’t really willing to do the same. If he has to agree to schedule changes, why would a judge go against that?
Lian said: @Sun
It sounds like you’re expecting him to compromise but aren’t really willing to do the same. If he has to agree to schedule changes, why would a judge go against that?
Like I said above, I did go back and agree to his terms. He threatened legal action after that. My daughter and I are going to Arizona for my nephew’s birth, and I compromised so we’d be back in time for his graduation.
@Holly
That’s a big moment for your family, and I hope you can work something out. It sounds like emotions got the best of both of you, and now things are more complicated than they needed to be. Hopefully, you can get to a point where you’re both on the same page for the sake of your daughter.
Vivian said:
So you’re offering him spring break in exchange for two weeks of vacation time? When does your daughter go to school?
I have full custody, and he only has visitation. He’d be missing one weekend and one three-hour visit, but spring break would give him five extra nights, so it’s more than a fair trade.
You asked him, then told him you were going no matter what. That’s not really negotiating. Asking you to come back two days earlier for an important event isn’t unreasonable. You can’t call him ‘threatening’ when you basically did the same thing.
@Amaya
I didn’t explain everything clearly in my first post. I have full custody, and he only has visitation. He never even mentioned graduation until I brought up this trip. Graduation falls on a weekend that’s already mine, so that was the time I planned to travel back.
I offered him spring break because he’d only be missing one weekend and one short visit, but spring break would give him five extra nights.
After I originally told him I was going anyway, I went back and agreed to his request to be back for graduation. That’s when he still went ahead and threatened me with his lawyer.
My daughter is 14, an honor roll student, and does her schoolwork on a laptop. We’ve done long trips before, including Disney for three weeks, and she kept up just fine. This isn’t just a vacation—it’s for my nephew’s birth, and we’re also visiting my brother, who we haven’t seen in a year.