Anyone have stories about what happened when both parents wanted their child to go to different schools, but they have 50/50 custody? The other parent is taking me to court because we can’t agree, and I’m trying to hear from others who’ve been through this situation.
It depends on whether one parent’s move would change the school for the child while the other would not. The courts always focus on what’s best for the child. It’s usually about keeping things familiar for them and avoiding stress from changing schools, new classmates, and new areas. If both parents are moving out of the district, it’s important to check which district offers the better education.
I can’t understand how parents get to the point of fighting over which school the kid should go to. If both parents live close enough for equal custody, stop being selfish and compare both schools. Look at grades, extracurriculars, ratings, and visit them. It’s not that hard. Most judges would likely look at it objectively and base their decision on facts. Just do what’s best for the kid and save the money you’d waste in court for their future education instead.
@HOPE
I did that! He won’t listen though. He doesn’t want her to go to my school because he thinks he’ll have to pay child support.
I see the kid is about to start kindergarten. Which district are their doctors, daycare, and extracurriculars in? That could show they are already connected to that district. Do you have equal 50/50 custody, or does one of you have the child more often? Is one of you still living in the original marital home? That might give them more influence in the decision.
@Gabi
Her doctors are all over the place. It’s truly 50/50, but I have her more during the day since she’s at daycare at his place. I’ve had more overnight stays due to vacations and things like that. His house is the original marital home. She goes to daycare closer to him, but I don’t use it. She has a younger sibling who isn’t in school yet.
Does the custody order give one parent the final say on legal decisions, or is it joint legal custody?
Bella said:
Does the custody order give one parent the final say on legal decisions, or is it joint legal custody?
It’s joint.
My ex and I live in the same district, same elementary and middle schools, but different high schools. The border between the two high schools is right in the middle of our homes. The high school near my ex’s place is ranked higher and is better. We just decided that the kids should go to that one. It wasn’t a big discussion. I drive a few extra miles for it. If the roles were reversed, my ex would do the same. We always put the kids first.
@Nicol
I agree with putting the kids first. It’s nice to hear you have a good co-parenting relationship. My situation is different. My co-parent hates me and it’s become borderline unnecessary court battles.
@Cass
It wasn’t always this good. The divorce was tough, and she made things difficult. But we got past it for the kids. Neither of us wanted them to feel like they had to choose sides. We work on the parenting schedule together and help each other out when needed. At school events, we’ll even sit together. We’ve come a long way. I hope in time you and your co-parent can find a way to move past the conflict.
@Nicol
Did you both go to therapy to help with that?
Cass said:
@Nicol
Did you both go to therapy to help with that?
We tried therapy to fix the marriage, and then we shifted to co-parenting therapy. The process took longer because of Covid. But the trust built slowly, and with the kids needing both of us at things like Halloween or school events, it helped. We started to communicate more about the kids. Over time, we’ve worked together more, even if we don’t get along well anymore. But I don’t see us ever getting back together.
How old are the kids? Have they been at one school long enough to make friends? Is there one school that’s ranked so poorly that it would hurt their education?
Yvonne said:
How old are the kids? Have they been at one school long enough to make friends? Is there one school that’s ranked so poorly that it would hurt their education?
My school is rated better, but his isn’t bad either. My school is ranked 3rd and his is 8th. The elementary school at his district is ranked 28th. She’s 5 years old and hasn’t been to school yet.
Do the children have a history in one district already?
Grace said:
Do the children have a history in one district already?
No, they haven’t started school yet.
Which district is ranked higher?
Valeria said:
Which district is ranked higher?
Mine is ranked higher, both for the districts and the individual elementary schools.
Valeria said:
Which district is ranked higher?
Exactly, but remember this: a parent can argue that the services a district offers (based on the child’s needs) are more beneficial to the child. A judge might favor the district that helps meet the child’s needs, such as offering activities like dance, orchestra, or even therapy programs. It’s not just about rankings. You can also gather detailed info about the district and tie it directly to the child’s needs. I’ve worked through this before and found tons of useful details online that helped me.