Partner and I considering marriage but he has a high conflict ex

My partner and I have a great, stable relationship. Been together 7 years, have two kids, etc. We want to get married. My partner’s ex is high-conflict and they share a 9-year-old son. She constantly takes him to court for ridiculous ‘violations’ and sues for full custody. She loses every single time or drops the case before the final hearing. She does this because we’ve set boundaries in such a way where this is literally the only way she can ‘get’ to us. I love their son and have a great relationship with him. He’s the best kid, and I feel lucky to be a part of his life.

My partner is switching careers and is in school full-time, so right now, he makes significantly less than I do. I do well financially. We’re wondering if we get married, is there any way his ex can take advantage of the fact we’re married? Can she try and get more child support if we are married because of my income? Does it change if our finances are combined versus if they are separate?

Don’t listen to those who have no clue about your situation and yet tell you how to live your life. You are courageous and good on you for protecting yourself.

He’s in school and making significantly less. How much CS is she currently receiving? No wonder she’s so high conflict. Children don’t stop needing real financial support just because one parent wants to work less. I doubt she can, but I wish she could count your income; maybe then you’d encourage him to work more hours.

I’m also missing the part where it says he’s supposed to pay for the kid while the kid’s at the mom’s house. Can’t afford a kid by yourself? Don’t have one.

I’m missing the part where it says the father has asked for a reduction in support or is in arrears. Or where it states he plans on living off his new partner.

In New York, they typically do not consider household income, but this is something to be discussed fully with your attorney. Speak with your attorney to get guidance.

They don’t discuss household income but they do discuss household expenses. He can pay BM more if he has fewer expenses because someone else is paying them.

I lived with my bf, not married or engaged; every detail of my life is now court record because of his ex, including my income and financial contributions. You are correct that my income isn’t technically a factor, but our living expenses and shared contributions were included.

Run.

They have kids together. They are already a committed couple. This is a question of how to make the best of it.

Talk to a lawyer and draft a prenup to ensure your assets are solely yours. Your income shouldn’t count against him but the law varies from state to state so your lawyer can give you better advice.

Definitely speak to a lawyer before you get married. You shouldn’t be responsible for his child in regards to child support.

In many states, yes. Her child support will increase based on the household income.

I’m in the same situation. Ex is absolutely nuts. That still isn’t going to change my mind about marrying him. He’s a great guy and we deserve to be happy.

I doubt it, but sit with a lawyer. A free consultation at least.

You are marrying into a circus. Either learn to accept what it is or get out now.

If he has not, he should ask the court to mandate a parenting app for all communication. This will change his life.

They can’t go after yours, but they could base child support off your partner’s potential income if they feel like his reasons for lowering his income aren’t valid.

No, she can’t. Exceptions would be things like him filing for modification because of his lower income, though since he is in school it likely wouldn’t hold up.

100% worth it for the kids. High conflict exes are exhausting, but it’s worth it for your babies.