Hello there, I was just emailed divorce paperwork from my wife’s attorney last night. We have 2 children together and we went through a high conflict custody trial that was eventually settled to about a 60-40 split with the children’s mother as the primary custodian. We both have equal legal custody. After the high conflict custody trial, we remained fairly neutral with each other and agreed that we would pursue an uncontested divorce together soon. It was a bit of a surprise when I received this random email from her attorney that contained the filed Summons and Complaint along with the Affidavit of Defendant. I decided to call her regarding this, and she simply stated that she just wanted to get it done and to just sign the paperwork. I did not get a chance to review the paperwork until I got home and I informed her that I will not be signing anything as it appeared she had requested alimony even though we make roughly the same. I asked her why we couldn’t just have written up an agreed-upon settlement regarding the divorce. She claimed she needed money for the kids, which I totally agreed on. We eventually talked on the phone for about 40 minutes and came up with an $800 monthly payment to her to cover the kids’ daycare and other costs as she lives with her parents which help her a lot with expenses. She stated she did not want to place me on child support. I also pay for the children’s clothing and any wants/needs they may have when they are with me. Additionally, we agreed to each take one child to claim during tax season. I would also be the person paying for the kids’ health insurance. We both agreed to contribute to any outside expenses for the children regarding medical care, sports, or anything related to education/enrichment for the children. I advised her that I would be contacting my attorney that assisted me in the custody case with this information. STBX mentioned she would contact her lawyer today about drafting that agreement for the divorce in which I mentioned that I would absolutely agree to the divorce if our agreement is put in writing. I would ideally like to hold off on getting too deep into a contested divorce as I had sunk close to $18,000 during my custody trial as STBX was high conflict and made a ton of unfounded allegations against me. She did not have to pay a cent for her attorney during the trial as it was a Legal Aid lawyer since she did not technically work in the summer as a teacher. Is it really as simple as having STBX attorney draft this agreement and then signing off on it? I would still have my attorney review this agreement but I wanted to get some insight on how all of this could possibly work out.
Layperson/not verified as legal professional. Talk to your attorney about the pros and cons of alimony over child support. Keep in mind that this sub is primarily populated with people who saw the worst of the worst - not the average divorce/separation. So keep all that in mind as the crowd here inevitably tells you to go for blood. It is not at all uncommon for one party’s attorney to draft up the agreements and the other party to just sign it - and everything is fine. It doesn’t mean they’re trying to pull a fast one on you. But talk to your attorney. Have they read it over. Tell your ex - ‘I just want a professional opinion, that’s all’. If your attorney says ‘Child support instead of alimony’ have them propose that to your ex’s attorney.
Layperson/not verified as legal professional. Nal but do not agree to alimony ever!! Opt for child support it’s better for you in the long run because if you do go the alimony route she can decide a week later she wants child support too and get it. You say it was a pretty amicable relationship but having a high conflict custody trial says very different then to get this email right after is not something done in amicable relationships. You do not want to set yourself up to pay alimony just for her to turn around and ask for child support as well.
Layperson/not verified as legal professional. NAL…Speak to your attorney first! Do not agree to anything with alimony. You should just opt for child support payments for the kids. Alimony is usually for the spouse accommodating that they are significantly making less income than the other spouse creating a blanket to the former spouse’s lifestyle but to me it doesn’t sound like there’s much of a financial difference. You also say that you provide what seems reasonable on terms of 60/40 custody plus insurance and medical costs. Please do NOT throw money to your STBX for her personal expenses and get a child support order strictly for the kids’ benefit whether it be daycare costs or the like but solely to benefit the children’s needs which can include medical expenses also.
Layperson/not verified as legal professional. He’s going to agree to alimony and then she’ll go right back to court and put him on child support. Then he’ll be paying both.
Layperson/not verified as legal professional. Right of course, I would ideally like to have it classified as child support instead of alimony for that specific reason. Both of us are pretty independent of our finances so we just agreed to care for the kids with our own funds but I will still be sending her $800 for the daycare costs which is lower than the state-calculated amount. She is the one that insisted on the $800 instead of the normal CS payment as I contribute a significant amount to the children already and we have a pretty amicable relationship overall.