So, my husband and I are separated now, and we have three young children, two of whom are under 3. I’ve primarily been a stay-at-home mom, managing the kids’ schedules and caring for them full-time, especially since one of our children has special needs. I’ve worked part-time here and there, but it’s always been around the kids’ needs. When it comes to calculating child support, they are inputting me at full-time minimum wage, saying that I ‘should’ be working that much. Is this normal? I feel like, given the fact that I’ve been a homemaker and I’m still caring for really young kids, there should be some kind of exception. Does anyone have experience with this or know if there’s any legal precedent for it? I really don’t want this to affect my ability to provide for my kids during this transition. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!
I completely get where you’re coming from. I think the fact that you’re caring for a child with special needs should definitely be considered in the support calculations. Managing the care of a child with special needs can be a full-time job in itself, and if you weren’t doing that, the high cost of specialized care would typically be something that both parents would have to split. So, you are essentially doing something that benefits the family unit by taking on that role, and that should be reflected in the support arrangement.
It might be a good idea to look into what your state’s laws are regarding spousal support and child support for parents in situations like yours. I found some information that might help—basically, the time and effort you’re putting into the care of your children, especially your child with special needs, should be considered when establishing both spousal and child support. If you weren’t there, the cost for that kind of care could be split between you and your ex. Definitely look into that and make sure your agreement reflects the reality of your responsibilities.
You might also want to consult with a legal professional or even do some research online about parents who stay home to care for their children. From what I’ve seen, it’s important to tailor your support agreements, especially when it comes to children with special needs, because they often require long-term considerations. Keep in mind that the court should be looking at your overall situation, including the fact that being the primary caregiver for your child could impact your ability to work a full-time job.
Here’s a helpful resource: Divorce and Children with Special Needs | Special Needs Alliance
@CoparentCoaches2
Thank you so much for sharing that information, and you bring up a really good point about the costs associated with caring for a child with special needs. It’s really something that should be factored in when they calculate support, especially since it’s not just about whether I can work or not. It’s about the level of care that my child needs and how that impacts my ability to work full-time. I’ll definitely check out the link and do some more research to see if I can find more information that can help me when talking to my lawyer. Thanks again, this is really helpful.
@Fife
You’re welcome! I’m glad it was helpful. Just remember that caring for your children, especially one with special needs, is something that the courts should take seriously. It’s not just about your ability to work or bring in income, it’s about the reality of your daily responsibilities. Definitely make sure your lawyer knows about everything you’re managing so they can bring it up in negotiations or court. And don’t hesitate to ask for modifications to your support agreement if things change in the future.
I’ve been in a similar situation, so I know how tough this can be. I was also a homemaker for years, and like you, I didn’t work full-time because I was taking care of my family. Unfortunately, it is often the case that the law expects you to find a way to support yourself after separation. Your ex isn’t necessarily going to be responsible for fully supporting you anymore, and while that might feel unfair, it’s the way things often go in divorce settlements. In my case, I was granted spousal support for a few years, which gave me some time to figure out my next steps. You mentioned that you’ve worked part-time, which is great because it shows you’ve been trying to bring in income when possible.
As for spousal support, if you’ve been married for over 10 years, you might be entitled to some form of support for a few years, potentially up to half the length of your marriage. I was married for a little over 10 years, and I received spousal support for 4 years. It was more substantial during the first two years and then tapered off. I also got half of our assets, savings, and retirement. If you were married for a long time, like 20 years or more, you might even qualify for lifetime spousal support. It really depends on your situation, so it’s important to talk to a lawyer about this.
Keep in mind that spousal support, child support, and any settlement money you receive won’t be taxed, so that’s a bit of a silver lining. It’s definitely a lot to navigate, though, so I highly recommend getting a lawyer if you haven’t already. They can help you make sure you’re getting what you’re entitled to, and they can guide you through some of the more complex aspects of the divorce process. Having a detailed parenting plan is crucial, too. It might feel overwhelming, but having a lawyer and a solid plan will make things easier in the long run.
Lastly, I recommend looking up Samantha Boss on Tiktok if you need more practical advice. She offers a lot of helpful tips, especially when it comes to co-parenting and navigating these tricky situations. Hang in there. Starting over is never easy, but with the right support, you can get through it.
@Aki
Thank you for sharing your experience, it’s really reassuring to hear from someone who’s been through something similar. I’ve heard about spousal support before, but I wasn’t sure how that would apply in my case. We’ve been married for around 12 years, so it sounds like I might qualify for support for a few years, which would be a huge help while I figure things out. It’s good to know that the support isn’t taxed, I hadn’t even thought about that yet.
I’ve already started talking to a lawyer, but there’s still so much to figure out. I’ll definitely ask them about getting a clear parenting plan in place because I want to make sure everything is set up properly for the kids. I’ll also check out Samantha Boss on Tiktok for more tips. Thanks again, your advice is really helpful and makes me feel a little less overwhelmed with everything going on.
@Fife
I’m so glad I could help, and it’s great that you’ve already started talking to a lawyer. Having professional guidance will make things much more manageable. If you’ve been married for over 10 years, it definitely sounds like spousal support could be in the cards for you. It might not be forever, but it’ll give you some breathing room while you transition. Don’t forget to take care of yourself during all this—it’s easy to get lost in the logistics, but you’re doing a lot and you deserve to give yourself credit. Best of luck with everything, and don’t hesitate to reach out if you ever need more advice or support.
I understand where you’re coming from, but unfortunately, once you’re separated, things change a lot when it comes to being a stay-at-home parent. Courts typically expect both parents to contribute financially after a separation, even if one parent has been a homemaker for years. It sounds harsh, but they’re actually being lenient by only imputing you at minimum wage. They could have used a higher wage based on average income in your area or your potential to earn, which could have made things even more complicated for you.
From a legal standpoint, the courts are usually focused on making sure both parents can provide for the children, and that often means expecting the parent who was staying at home to find work after a separation. While this can be tough to navigate, especially when you have young kids, it’s something that’s often required. That said, if you’re caring for a special needs child or you have any other circumstances that might make it difficult for you to work full-time, you should absolutely bring that up with your lawyer. They might be able to argue that your caregiving responsibilities should be taken into account when determining support.
@Derry
Thanks for the reality check. I hadn’t considered that they could have imputed me at a higher wage, so I guess in that sense, I’m lucky. It’s just tough because I’ve been home with the kids for so long and transitioning to full-time work feels overwhelming. I’ll definitely talk to my lawyer and see if they can bring up my situation with my special needs child. Hopefully, that will help make the case that I can’t just jump into a full-time job without some kind of transition period. I appreciate your perspective on this.