My lawyer drafted up the ‘standard’ parenting plan, but my ex wants to add all kinds of stuff. What level of detail is really needed in it? For context, my kids are in elementary school, and he wants to add in when we will let them date, get cell phones, and cars, and who will pay for those. Should we be deciding this now? What would you recommend we add now to avoid headaches later?
Certain things should be in there like ‘a cellphone should be agreed upon by both parents and each will pay half’ type of thing. But mostly simple stuff, make sure holidays, especially New Year’s Eve and Day, are very specific because I see people online constantly confused about their holiday schedule.
@Brier
That’s a good point. I need to make sure we are clear on holidays to avoid confusion later.
Family law paralegal here: I have never seen a clause for when the kids can date in an agreement. Rarely do I see clauses about cellphones and cars. However, I have seen some other weird clauses, so if it’s a high conflict situation and you don’t expect to be able to work these items out in the future, then they can certainly be considered. Otherwise, consider a Parenting Coordination or Mediation/Arbitration clause to help you get over those speed bumps when you get to them.
Bright said:
No judge cares about what he is trying to add. Those items are usually determined with child support later. As for when they can date, that’s not going to be in a court order though.
I figured as much. It seems like these details are more about control than anything else.
Sounds like a control freak and I would tell him to go all the way to hell. Basic, less is best, especially for young kids. How about follow the basic stuff first and then talk about the other stuff later.
@Lila
That’s my thought too. We need to keep it simple for now.
Tell your lawyer to only do the basics, and it’s not time to worry about phones, etc. What you give or let them do later depends on the kids’ maturity level.
Fifer said:
Tell your lawyer to only do the basics, and it’s not time to worry about phones, etc. What you give or let them do later depends on the kids’ maturity level.
Exactly. I want to focus on what really matters right now.
Ha no way. Less is more.
Daryn said:
Ha no way. Less is more.
I totally agree. Keeping it straightforward is the way to go.
He’s trying to control your future parenting decisions, and I wouldn’t stand for it. While it’s ideal to always agree on everything, the fact of the matter is that 50/50 means you no longer get to make 100% decisions. The courts weigh issues like medical care and education, that sort of thing, as things parents should still have an equal say in. Cell phones, cars, dating, those are all personal choices that a court isn’t inclined to care about.
@Teagan
That’s exactly how I feel. I don’t want him overstepping boundaries.
And one parent might allow phone use while the other might say no phone usage in my house except to call the other parent. One parent might buy a car and the other parent might not let them use it.
Stella said:
And one parent might allow phone use while the other might say no phone usage in my house except to call the other parent. One parent might buy a car and the other parent might not let them use it.
That’s a good point. We need to be clear about these things.
Yes, decide those things now. Otherwise, your kid will get a phone at 9 with no restrictions on time or content, and you’ll be the bad guy. If you have agreement, you can always agree otherwise later but at least there’s a baseline.
@Azar
I see where you’re coming from. It’s better to have a plan than to react later.
@Terryanne
Thanks for the insight. I think mediation might be a good route if we can’t agree.
Your lawyers should tell you that those things are not allowed. Physical and medical rights can be included. Who knows what religion or belief structure you’ll have when the children are older? You can’t micromanage everything in court.
@Elsa
That’s a fair point. I’ll make sure to keep things reasonable.