Should I contact co-parent's attorney to make a deal prior to court?

I am divorced as of May 2024 after being married for over 7 years and together for more than 10 years. We have shared parenting granted at 50/50 with a generic local rule 27.1 (option B) model plan. I am the residential parent for educational placement and kept the home. There is no spousal support or child support involved. However, my co-parent is high conflict, and all communication now goes through email due to harassment and several incidents. I participated in arguing via text and phone calls until October 2nd, 2024, when I redirected all communications to email, operating like a customer service agent and only responding to matters related to our child while keeping it polite. The co-parent is also in a relationship with my current husband’s ex, which adds to the conflict. Now we have to meet at a police station to swap our child with no direct communication, and police have been involved due to interference with custody a few days before Christmas. I have a copy of the police report. My co-parent has violated our parenting plan on multiple occasions. He picks and chooses when to follow it based on what serves him. I kept our child for him while he was on vacation, and he has taken advantage of my kindness without returning the favor, which I realize now was foolish of me. Our only child is homeschooled by me, and her lessons are done when she is with me. Virtual learning and calls are supposed to take place when she is with her father. She has been homeschooled since 1st grade, which was nearly two years before the divorce. She is currently in 3rd grade. I have attended every doctor’s visit and emergency room visit since she was born, while the father has only been there six times in her life. Since the divorce, he has never taken her to the doctor despite her being sick several times. I filed for modification of parental rights on November 24 due to several incidents. Since then, my co-parent has rectified one major complaint I had. Our original court date was set for January 6, 2025, but due to a winter storm, it has been rescheduled to March 10, 2025. I have all my documentation ready for court, or at least I think I do. My co-parent just got an attorney on January 27, 2025, and now all communication regarding court matters is redirected to her. Initially, I was seeking primary custody for five days a week due to issues with homeschooling, as our child was not completing her work or making calls when she was with her father. After being served for the custody hearing, my co-parent is now claiming she isn’t learning properly and that I’m not qualified to teach her, despite having no complaints before and even stating the opposite. According to Ohio revised code and my school district’s rules, I am well within my rights to educate our daughter, and my co-parent does not have an education. I also wanted to establish a third-party app like Our Family Wizard for documentation purposes. I’m considering Life 360 on our daughter’s phone, as he took her out of state on vacation without notifying me and told her not to say anything. I want to be solely responsible for all medical decisions. However, my co-parent has recently started badmouthing me again and making outrageous claims via email. He is now saying that since he just moved to a new school district, he wants our child to be put in school and for him to be the primary parent. He has also threatened to abruptly change our child’s current schedule to match the model plan, even though we have followed a consistent pickup and drop-off schedule since before the divorce was finalized. I am representing myself in this matter, so I have no legal representation. I am considering contacting his attorney to propose the following: keeping the 50/50 split as long as it reflects the actual schedule we follow, which is slightly different from the model. I want to avoid disrupting our child’s schedule and keep her from her father. He has recently moved into a safer home with two beds instead of one, as of December 2024. I will include specific holidays and significant dates but will make it contingent upon the homeschooling arrangement. If he is unwilling to agree to allow her one hour of virtual learning each night on weekdays and to actually make her do her independent work, I will need to request five days a week instead. Our child will remain homeschooled through the end of the 2024-2025 school year and into the 2025-2026 school year, at which point we can find an adequate school for fifth grade. I will remain the residential parent for education since I have lived in my home for eight years and he has had an extremely unstable living environment, only just leasing an apartment for a year as of December. I want to propose a third-party communication app that is court approved and a 50/50 split of the costs. I also want to have 100% medical decision-making rights and the right of first refusal for periods of 7.5 hours or longer, mainly for overnight stays. I am considering offering to go to mediation to discuss any other lower-priority concerns. I spoke to an attorney, and they mentioned they would request a guardian ad litem (GAL), but I have some concerns about that. I am unsure whether it is smart to contact his attorney to initiate a potential deal or if I should just wait until the hearing in March. I am nervous about what to expect and about the fact that my co-parent now has an attorney while I do not. There is obviously a lot more to this case, but this is the main part. I am trying to keep it as vague as possible due to the complexity of the situation.

It sounds like you are in a really tough situation. I think contacting his attorney might be a good idea, especially if you are looking to negotiate terms that work for both of you. Have you thought about what specific points you want to address if you do reach out?

I would be cautious about making any agreements without legal representation. It might be better to wait until the hearing and present your case fully in court.

I think it’s important to document everything thoroughly, especially since you have had issues with your co-parent in the past. Make sure you have all your evidence ready for court.

It seems like you are doing everything right by keeping documentation and being proactive about your child’s education. Just try to stay focused on what is best for her.

If you haven’t already, consider looking into legal aid or resources that can help you navigate this situation without representation.