I’m in the process of filing for divorce. I’m currently stationed on the East Coast, but my kids live in California with their mom. She wants me to give her full legal custody. Since they live with her, I know she’ll already have physical custody, but should I agree to this?
If giving her full legal custody means you lose a say in their medical care and education, that’s a big deal. Even if you’re not there all the time, you should still have a role in those decisions. Maybe look into joint legal custody, with her having final say in emergencies?
Absolutely not.
If you’re active duty, talk to your base legal office. They can guide you through this.
I would, just so she can make medical decisions in an emergency. It won’t benefit you, but it could make things easier for her and the kids.
Fionn said:
I would, just so she can make medical decisions in an emergency. It won’t benefit you, but it could make things easier for her and the kids.
She doesn’t need full legal custody for that. You can give her emergency decision-making rights without giving up your parental role. Your kids need you in their lives, even if it’s long-distance. Don’t sign away your rights—you’ll regret it.
Fionn said:
I would, just so she can make medical decisions in an emergency. It won’t benefit you, but it could make things easier for her and the kids.
I see. Thanks.
Fionn said:
I would, just so she can make medical decisions in an emergency. It won’t benefit you, but it could make things easier for her and the kids.
I see. Thanks.
Yeah, there are ways to give her flexibility without signing over full legal custody.
@North
But he barely sees them. She’s the one raising them day to day. If something happens, she needs to be able to handle it without waiting for his approval.
Fionn said:
@North
But he barely sees them. She’s the one raising them day to day. If something happens, she needs to be able to handle it without waiting for his approval.
That’s not true. She doesn’t need full legal custody to handle normal decisions. Giving up legal custody is a huge step and not necessary. If OP wants to stay involved, he shouldn’t sign this away.
I’ll check with legal. When I was stationed in California, we had a set visitation schedule, but now I just see them when I visit.
Dez said:
I’ll check with legal. When I was stationed in California, we had a set visitation schedule, but now I just see them when I visit.
In that case, giving her sole decision-making might make sense. If she’s a good mom and doing what’s best for the kids, then making her go through extra steps to get approval isn’t helpful.
If you’re not involved in things like education, healthcare, or big life decisions, then legal custody might not be necessary for you. But what’s the real reason you feel you need to keep it?
pamelajames said:
If you’re not involved in things like education, healthcare, or big life decisions, then legal custody might not be necessary for you. But what’s the real reason you feel you need to keep it?
I just don’t want to get screwed. She already makes most of the decisions. If she has full custody, does that mean I have to pay more child support? Also, I provide their health insurance—would she have to get them her own insurance?
@Dez
Don’t listen to the people telling you to sign over legal custody. You can give her some authority without losing your rights as a father. Protect your role in your kids’ lives.
@Dez
No, child support isn’t based on legal custody. It’s mostly about physical custody. She’d still be able to make major decisions.
@Dez
Your health insurance can still be part of child support calculations. It doesn’t automatically mean she has to get separate coverage. What matters more is your visitation schedule and how involved you want to be.
Talk to a lawyer. Don’t give up more than you have to.
Destiny said:
Talk to a lawyer. Don’t give up more than you have to.
Will do. Thanks.
If you want to stay in your kids’ lives, don’t give her full custody.