Hey everyone, I need some advice. I want to change my kids’ last name from their dad’s to mine. He hasn’t been around—last time he saw them was in December 2021. He technically pays child support, but it’s hit or miss, and he owes around $28,000 in back payments. As for parenting? He hasn’t called or spoken to them in 3–4 years, just sends the occasional text like some distant relative. My kids have been asking to change their last name for over a year now. Anyone know how to go about this?
I think you might need their dad’s permission. Maybe adding your last name instead of fully changing it would be easier?
You might need to talk to a lawyer. Also, how old are your kids? Depending on their age, the court might take their opinion into account.
Changing their last name just because you don’t like it might not be the best move. No matter what, he’s still their dad. Maybe focus on other ways to support them instead?
Grayden said:
Changing their last name just because you don’t like it might not be the best move. No matter what, he’s still their dad. Maybe focus on other ways to support them instead?
It’s not about me not liking the name. My kids are the ones asking for this, and they’ve been bringing it up for over a year now.
@Harmony
When I changed my child’s last name, I had to publish a notice in the local newspaper where we lived, then send proof to the court before the hearing. If you don’t know his address, you only need to publish in your county. At the court hearing, I explained the reason, and my child had to come too. The judge made the final decision.
If their dad doesn’t show up to contest it, you might have a good chance. Your kids can explain why they want the change, and the judge will decide.
Grayden said:
Changing their last name just because you don’t like it might not be the best move. No matter what, he’s still their dad. Maybe focus on other ways to support them instead?
Honestly, having an absent parent is probably more damaging than a name change ever could be.
@Ruby
Not having a parent around definitely has an impact, no doubt about that. But names are deeply tied to identity.
If a child is asking for it, I’d still be careful. Sometimes kids want to distance themselves from a parent in the moment but later have different feelings. I’d personally wait until they’re older unless they’re really pushing for it. Maybe talk to a counselor first to see if this is what they really want.
For what it’s worth, my ex wanted his dad’s last name as a teen even though his mom gave him hers at birth. She filed the paperwork, but something got messed up, so his legal documents were all over the place. He had a harder time getting official ID later on because of it.
@Tobi
She already said the kids are asking for it.
Vienna said:
@Tobi
She already said the kids are asking for it.
Yeah, I get that. I just find that kids usually don’t ask for something like this on their own unless it’s brought up. I’ve seen it a lot in custody cases. Not saying that’s what’s happening here, just that it’s worth checking in with a counselor to be sure.
@Ruby
It really depends on how old they are.
If he pays anything—even once every six months—you probably can’t claim abandonment to get full custody. But if he ever goes six full months without a payment, you might be able to file for sole custody and then change their last name more easily.
Some people try to make deals, like telling the other parent they’ll drop back child support in exchange for full custody (even though legally, only the state can drop support). It’s a long shot, but if it gets you full custody and no more interference from him, it might be worth looking into.
You should check your state’s rules. In mine, once a kid is 14, they can give a written statement or testify about why they want a name change. If your kids are younger, it might be harder to get approved unless you can show why the name is causing harm.
If their dad won’t agree to it, it’s probably not happening. You might have to just let this one go.
Most courts won’t approve a name change without the dad’s consent. Also, in my state, you have to file separate petitions for each child, and each one costs money.
Your best bet might be looking into terminating his rights for abandonment. Different states have different rules on how long he has to be gone before you can do that. After that, changing the name should be easier.
Honestly, if they’re still young, this probably won’t happen. You might want to talk to a therapist about it instead.
How old are your kids?
Cassidy said:
How old are your kids?
They’re 9, 8, 7, and 5.
Does their dad agree to the name change? That’s a big factor.
Kylie said:
Does their dad agree to the name change? That’s a big factor.
I haven’t talked to him about it yet, but I already know he’s going to say no.