Hey everyone, I need some help figuring out how to change my kids’ last name from their dad’s to mine. He hasn’t been around much—last time he saw them was back in December 2021, and that feels like forever ago. He technically pays child support, but only when he feels like it, and he already owes about $28,000 in unpaid support. As for parenting? He hasn’t spoken to them in three or four years, just sends a random text now and then like some distant relative. My kids have been asking to change their last name for the past year and a half. Anyone know what steps I should take to make this happen?
I think you’ll need his permission, but maybe hyphenating the last name could be an option?
You should probably talk to a lawyer. How old are the kids? Their opinion might matter depending on their age.
I get that their dad isn’t involved, but changing their name could have a bigger impact on them than you think. No matter what he’s like, he’s still their father. Maybe focus on giving them a positive environment instead?
@Day
It’s not about me not liking the name—my kids are the ones asking for the change and have been for over a year now.
Jordan said:
@Day
It’s not about me not liking the name—my kids are the ones asking for the change and have been for over a year now.
When I changed my child’s last name, I had to post a notice in the local newspaper, then send proof to the court. If you don’t have his address, you can just post it in your county’s paper. Then I went to court with my child and explained why we wanted the change. The judge listened and approved it.
Honestly, if your ex doesn’t show up to contest it, you might have a good chance. Your kids will get to explain why they want the change, and the judge will decide.
@Day
Having an absent parent is probably more damaging to a child than a name change would be.
Hux said:
@Day
Having an absent parent is probably more damaging to a child than a name change would be.
No doubt that an absent parent affects a child. But names are tied to identity, and changing it could have its own emotional impact. If the kids are asking for it, that’s one thing, but I’d want them to talk to a therapist before making a decision.
My ex actually had the opposite experience—his mom gave him her last name because his dad denied he was his father. Later, when his dad stepped up, my ex wanted to change it back. His mom even filed the paperwork but never finalized it, so for years, his legal documents were a mess.
@Montana
She said the kids are the ones asking for it.
Valor said:
@Montana
She said the kids are the ones asking for it.
Yeah, I get that. I’m just saying that in my experience with family law cases, kids rarely bring this up without a parent mentioning it first. Not saying that’s what happened here, but I’d still recommend talking to a mental health professional.
Hux said:
@Day
Having an absent parent is probably more damaging to a child than a name change would be.
It really depends on how old they are.
If he still makes any child support payments, even sporadically, you probably can’t file for abandonment. But if he ever goes six months without paying, you might be able to file for sole custody based on abandonment.
Some people have also managed to get a parent to sign over full custody by offering to forgive back child support (even though that’s technically up to the state, not you). If your ex thinks giving up custody will erase his debt, he might agree. If that happens, you’d have full custody and could change their last names without his say.
Unless he agrees to it, you probably won’t be able to change their names. You might have to ask him and hope for the best.
In most places, courts won’t approve a name change without both parents agreeing. You might have to file separate petitions for each child, which could get expensive.
It might be easier to look into terminating his parental rights for abandonment. Once that’s done, you should have no problem changing their names.
If the kids are still young, there’s basically no chance the court will approve this. Maybe focus on helping them process their feelings instead?
How old are they?
Kit said:
How old are they?
They’re 9, 8, 7, and 5.
Does their dad agree to the name change? That’s a big factor.
Sia said:
Does their dad agree to the name change? That’s a big factor.
I haven’t asked him yet, but I already know he won’t agree.