In Texas, I have a 9-year-old who hasn’t seen his dad going on 8 years now. The relationship was abusive, but me being naive, I don’t have any evidence from then. At the time of leaving him, I went to stay with my mother. I wasn’t working but started soon after. I maintained all costs for my son since then. But even before then, his jobs weren’t consistent, and my mom had financially supported us more than 50% of the time. When I left and since then, I have not filed for any child support, nor do I want to. He’s very spiteful. During the time apart, I’ve learned he has another child that he does not see or provide child support for, even though there are court orders for it. His work/jobs were never real (I would call these places of employment to verify). In the beginning, he would make plans to meet up and have a day with our son, I would drive but he wouldn’t show up or always fell through. So ultimately I stopped driving to him or meeting him halfway and told him to let me know when he could come down to me. And he never did. Contact was cruel and harsh initially from him, then faded to almost nothing. In recent years, I wanted my son’s passport. Both he and his mother denied that request, saying, “he doesn’t know how to swim.” I told him that instead of the passport, he can pay for swimming lessons, which was also ignored. But since I opened that can of worms, they (him and his mother) have been asking more and more about my son and to have FaceTimes. Initially, I agreed. Let my son talk to them. But it was usually through his dad’s mom that contact was made. Never through his biological dad. But nevertheless, I let it happen. The only thing I asked for was to be consistent, and neither would stay that way. So again, contact faded to a few times a year around his birthday and certain holidays. Fast forward to today, the only contact I receive is via text a few times of the year. The last text was from 10 months ago from his dad. I receive no support from him, but his mother is always wanting to send gifts and always tried to gain the benefit and do the work her son should be doing. They don’t know my address since I moved out from my mother’s but always use her address if they want to send anything. From the recent holidays, his mother has asked what she could do to see him and be in contact with him more; I told her, “I’ve always asked to be consistent. How is a child supposed to know you through a few messages a year?” She said she doesn’t know what that means; she mentioned being up there in age and how it will be her life’s regret if she never sees him again. I’d like to think her regret should be how her son was, as we wouldn’t be in this predicament if he were decent. I digress, but since then she has contacted me daily. I feel it more spiteful than meaningful, but she’s the one who has been texting me, not him. It really feels like she texts me because she regrets her life choices and also feels like she should have the right to FaceTime him whenever she wants and let her son (bio dad) take the credit for her work by letting him be part of the FaceTime too. I’ve ignored the messages, but now I’m not sure if I did right by it. Other facts: my son is on the autism spectrum (ASD), I’m in an excellent relationship now with a loving partner, and I have a soon-to-be-1-year-old with said partner. We’re not married but plan to be within the next year. I live away from my previous city. I am currently a stay-at-home mom while my partner financially supports the now four of us. My son knows he has a bio father and the paternal grandma, but he has told me he doesn’t want to know them because they are strangers to him. I’ve never blocked contact or refused visitation, but the bio dad never put in the effort. TLDR: In Texas, no child custody or court order is in place; father hasn’t seen the child in almost 8 years, does not pay anything or provide for anything financially or otherwise. Child diagnosed with autism. I’m currently in a long-term (but not married) relationship who supports us all with another child <1yr. I would love to obtain all rights to my son and essentially terminate his father’s rights since he has not seen or provided financial support, but this is Texas. What can I hope to get? I wouldn’t like any court papers between me and bio dad if I can avoid it. My partner would love to adopt our son now as well, but bio dad is also on the birth certificate. What is my standing? Is it worth it to wait? Can the paternal grandmother do anything or file for anything? Honestly, any information would be helpful.
If you went full no contact with bio dad (and his family) in the best interests of your son, would bio dad do anything purposeful to see him?
Briar said:
If you went full no contact with bio dad (and his family) in the best interests of your son, would bio dad do anything purposeful to see him?
I’m not sure he would. It’s more his mother that would push it. He’s not blocked or anything. And as far as I know, he doesn’t have a job or vehicle.
You can’t terminate a parent’s rights unilaterally like this. Normally, it only occurs when there is an adoption and all parties agree to it.
Every state might be different, but I’ve heard that if a parent abandons a child for at least a certain amount of time, she can get the dad’s rights terminated on that basis; she’ll most likely just need to prove abandonment with documentation.
In Texas, parental rights can only be terminated by a court order. The process generally involves one parent petitioning the court to end the other parent’s relationship with the child. You should consult a lawyer to understand the specifics.
You can’t just decide to terminate dad’s rights. It has to go through the court system, and you’ll need evidence to support your case.