Hello, I’ve been in a narcissistic relationship for 7 years with my partner. Over time, it has gotten worse. I have 4 kids, 3 are his and 1 is from a previous relationship. He doesn’t talk to my son from my previous relationship or care to have a relationship with him. I really want to be open and honest here so I can get accurate advice. He has been extremely verbally abusive to me and has done this in front of the kids. There have been several times when I reached my boiling point and put my hands on him while screaming and yelling, sometimes in front of the kids. When this happens, he smiles and takes out his phone to record me acting crazy so it looks like he did nothing and I’m just a crazy woman. His videos are one-sided and don’t show why I’m reacting that way. He tells me he keeps these videos in case I leave and try to file child support on him. He wants to show the judge that I’m an “unfit mother.” He talks badly about me in front of the kids, which has made them take his side in arguments because they love their dad more. I’m with the kids more than he is, and he has always refused to help me at night with all the kids, saying he has to work in the morning. I also had to work, which led to lack of sleep and postpartum issues for me. If the kids got sick at night and I asked for help, he would refuse. He comes home late every single day, leaving me to cope on my own, and if I miss anything, he calls me a poor parent in front of the kids. I pay most of the household expenses, including medical for him and the kids, but he refuses to let me file taxes on them, saying it’s not fair I get more money than he does. I’m ready to leave, and I want to know: Can he use those videos of me in court to make me look like a bad parent and possibly lose custody? Can I file for joint custody of the kids? Is there any way to co-parent without having to talk to a narcissistic parent? Are there services that allow for drop-offs and pickups without seeing the other parent? I’ve started keeping documentation of his verbal and mental abuse, but I just want joint co-parenting without issues.
That sounds really tough. I think he could try to use those videos, but it really depends on the judge and the context. Document everything you can.
It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. I think you can file for joint custody, especially since you have been the primary caregiver.
There are services that can help with drop-offs and pickups. Look into supervised visitation centers or similar options. It could help you avoid contact with him.
You’re not alone in this. Keep documenting everything. It could be crucial if you go to court.
Make sure you gather all your evidence and consider therapy for yourself too. A professional can help you navigate this.