Summer schedules for EOW dads?

I’m just wondering… what’s the usual summer visitation for a parent who has every other weekend during the school year? We’re having trouble agreeing. We live about an hour to an hour and a half apart. The kids are in middle school and high school and they’re involved in a lot of activities. Their school system has a nine-week summer, and fall sports start two weeks before school begins, so there’s not much summer vacation to work with. Both parents work too.

It can depend on your local court rules. Sometimes kids are able to speak for themselves and have their preferences considered. If parents can’t agree, you could also request a Guardian Ad Litem to represent the kids’ wishes.

@Lael
I really want to avoid that. The kids are very sensitive to their dad’s feelings, and I’d hate to put them in a position where they have to pick. Though, I think they would agree that splitting the summer in half makes sense.

In Tennessee, our court orders say that the parent with EOW gets two non-consecutive weeks in the summer. Our son has really bad separation anxiety, so more than one consecutive week has been a nightmare for him.

@Fifer
Thanks for sharing. I’m curious though, how does this change as kids get older?

Dorothy said:
@Fifer
Thanks for sharing. I’m curious though, how does this change as kids get older?

Our son is 10, I didn’t mention that. I’m not sure how he’ll be as he gets older, but I’m not super hopeful that things will get better considering his mom’s influence. Still, I’m hoping for the best.

It really depends on what the judge decides. Some dads get half the breaks (summer, winter, etc.) and alternate holidays, others get the whole break. Some only get a few weeks. If the parents can’t agree, the judge will decide, but if you’re unhappy with it later, you can request a modification.

@Ariana
It seems like it’s all over the place. That’s why I’m wondering if there’s a standard.

Dorothy said:
@Ariana
It seems like it’s all over the place. That’s why I’m wondering if there’s a standard.

Usually, if you only get EOW, you’d get more time in the summer, especially if the distance or other factors make it harder during the year. But every judge is different, so you just have to be reasonable and show you’re willing to compromise. The judge will usually want something fair for both parents.

It depends a lot on what the EOW parent wants. Some might just want their weekends year-round, but if they want more time, it’s common for them to get most school breaks, especially if the only reason they don’t get more time during the school year is due to distance.

It’s common for the other parent to get a long stretch of time over the summer. But if your child is in high school and they’re 16, some states let the child have a say in their visitation.

When we went to court, he got six weeks. I got the last two weeks of August, plus one weekend in the middle. It was tough. He didn’t want that much time, so now we just have him for July, and I get August. We start EOW visitation again in September. I’m not sure how it’ll work as he gets older and has more activities or friends, but for now, it’s okay.

@Bailey
That’s interesting, a 6-week/3-week split. Seems kind of unfair to the kids. Is your ex nearby? My kids can’t see their friends or do their activities because their dad lives far away.

Dorothy said:
@Bailey
That’s interesting, a 6-week/3-week split. Seems kind of unfair to the kids. Is your ex nearby? My kids can’t see their friends or do their activities because their dad lives far away.

Nope, we’re three hours apart. I drive two hours to meet him every other weekend, so I totally get the distance problem. Our summer schedule where we each have him for a month works best right now.

My guess is it would be every other week in the summer. You could ask to change the dates if you’re worried about dad not letting them go to games or practices before school starts.

Raegan said:
My guess is it would be every other week in the summer. You could ask to change the dates if you’re worried about dad not letting them go to games or practices before school starts.

He seems to think he’ll have most of the summer.

@Dorothy
That would actually be normal. I’d expect the judge to give him six or seven weeks, and then they go back for camp before school starts. Usually, the EOW parent gets most of the summer and breaks.

@Lawer
But if that happens, mom won’t get any summer vacation. It’s only a 9-week summer, and two of those weeks are taken by sports. Wouldn’t mom get some vacation time too?

Dorothy said:
@Lawer
But if that happens, mom won’t get any summer vacation. It’s only a 9-week summer, and two of those weeks are taken by sports. Wouldn’t mom get some vacation time too?

That’s why most orders carve out some summer time for the custodial parent. It’s pretty common for the non-custodial parent to get about 30-42 days, and the custodial parent picks a week that doesn’t overlap with the other parent’s time. It’s a bit tricky with shorter summer breaks now, so you’ll have to pick dates at the start or end of the break.

Dorothy said:
@Lawer
But if that happens, mom won’t get any summer vacation. It’s only a 9-week summer, and two of those weeks are taken by sports. Wouldn’t mom get some vacation time too?

Usually not. The custodial parent already has most of the parenting time. The other parent often gets all the vacation time.