What can my daughter do next to improve her situation in divorce?

Hello Anastasia, you have a beautiful name and picture too! Thank you for your thoughts about my daughter’s situation. She is in the process of getting divorced. I don’t think I need to go back and describe the situation but if I do, please let me know. I spoke to my daughter’s attorney the day of her last mediation, which is when I reached out to you. I mentioned some things that you had told me. She reacted a bit defensively, although I was very professional and kind. At the mediation, she apologized to my daughter and said that she understands my position, and at that point, she seemed to be trying harder to represent her in the best way. For my daughter, just getting through the mediations will be a long drawn-out process. Her husband is not complying with the required information needed to be brought to the mediator. The next mediation is now scheduled for February. My question to you is, do you have any advice on what she should be doing in the next few months in order to have a more favorable outcome for her and for her children? New Hampshire has stricter laws that even the federal government regarding the rights of each parent. They certainly should add that if safety matters are involved, those should be considered and allowed to be brought forward by the court during a divorce. Their policies can be very dangerous in some circumstances, such as my daughter’s. I have a tape recording of her husband admitting to abusing this girl and saying that there is no guarantee that he wouldn’t do it again. A recording is inadmissible unless agreed to. No one would agree to be recorded if they were admitting to committing a crime. If someone said, “I’ve murdered her and I’m going to murder another,” you would think it would be the obligation of the court to allow that information to be entered and considered, but it isn’t. My daughter and her husband own the house together and are both on the deed. However, the husband is the only one on the mortgage and has a 2.9% interest rate. Therefore, the court would not consider asking him to relinquish it as the rates are now higher. To me, that is not relevant, considering also that I would pay for the house outright and not need to borrow any money at all. My daughter’s attorney said that doesn’t matter? “She will receive alimony and she should be happy with that.” At this moment, my daughter will be removed from the household, need to purchase or rent a place within close proximity and within the same school district. This limits her ability to find a job in her field, along with the wages she should be receiving. It’s five days on for one parent and then the next parent has the next five days and every other weekend. This arrangement makes it very difficult for my daughter in every way. She seems to have no rights or favorable legal position to provide the best environment for her children and for herself moving forward. With all that said, Anastasia, is there anything she can do? Giving the victim the “green light” to press charges will likely be a dead end because there are levels of assault. What happened to her did not involve violence and was stopped before it escalated into something worse. We don’t know. Therefore, it will not be considered enough of an assault to make a difference, and pursuing it would be as you said, costly. What can my daughter do at this juncture to have her position be more favorable? Is she just stuck? Thank you again for any advice you can offer us. We are truly lost.

I’m so sorry to hear about your daughter’s situation. New Hampshire’s laws sound tough. Have you talked to the mediator about the abuse situation? Could that help? I’d think it could be something worth bringing up. :thinking:

@Wes
The thing is, the mediator doesn’t talk to the judge directly. They can only report if the mediation doesn’t work out. But the judge has to see all evidence at trial, so you’ll need to gather it all for court.

@Jay
Oh, I didn’t know that about mediators. That makes sense though. Thanks for clarifying!

This is so tough. From what I understand, the lawyer should be looking out for your daughter’s best interests. If her current attorney isn’t pushing for the abuse to be heard in court, that’s a red flag. Maybe consult another attorney?

@Dez
Definitely. I’d look for a second opinion if I were you. It’s important for your daughter to feel supported in this process. Maybe talk to a lawyer who specializes in domestic abuse cases?

Is it possible for her to bring up the tape with her lawyer? Even though it’s not admissible, it could still be useful in helping the lawyer build a strategy for the trial, maybe?

Amanda said:
Is it possible for her to bring up the tape with her lawyer? Even though it’s not admissible, it could still be useful in helping the lawyer build a strategy for the trial, maybe?

I think it’s worth showing it to the lawyer, at least. Even if it doesn’t make it into court, it could help build the case or prepare for any potential issues with the husband’s behavior.

Have you looked into the property division laws more? I know the mortgage stuff is tricky, but it seems like it might still be up for negotiation in court. The house situation seems like a big issue, and maybe the lawyer should push for a more favorable settlement on that.

@Emlyn
Yeah, I’d look into whether the court can adjust things based on the situation, especially if your daughter’s financial situation makes it hard for her to keep the house. They may take that into account at trial.

I’m really sorry to hear about all this. You’re doing a great job supporting your daughter. I think Anastasia’s right, though—she’ll need to gather all her evidence and go to trial if things can’t settle in mediation. Good luck, and I hope everything turns out better for her!