I’m in a tough situation with my 17-year-old son. He’s supposed to visit his mother every other Saturday according to our custody agreement, but he refuses to go. I’m encouraging him to spend time with her, like suggesting weeknight dinners to ease into it, but he’s still not interested. What kind of repercussions should I expect? I don’t think the police will force him, but would she likely file for contempt of court? How long might it take to get a court date? I’m worried he might turn 18 before anything happens. What do you think a judge would do in this case?
I’m in a similar situation in Virginia, and honestly, nothing usually happens. No one really enforces visitation when the kids are that age.
Yeah, nothing will happen. The police can’t get involved in these situations.
Don’t assume the police won’t force him. I’ve heard they do get involved in some counties.
Wait, are they really going to physically force a 17-year-old to go visit someone? That seems extreme.
I was forced by the police to go to my mom’s when I was 17. It was really tough. They don’t always care about how the kid feels.
Quinn said:
I was forced by the police to go to my mom’s when I was 17. It was really tough. They don’t always care about how the kid feels.
That sounds awful. Did they take you from your dad’s house?
Quinn said:
I was forced by the police to go to my mom’s when I was 17. It was really tough. They don’t always care about how the kid feels.
Yeah, my dad was out of town. It was a really stressful situation.
It’s unlikely that anything will be resolved in court before he turns 18. I was in a similar situation, and by the time we got to therapy, I was just about to turn 18.
Rory said:
It’s unlikely that anything will be resolved in court before he turns 18. I was in a similar situation, and by the time we got to therapy, I was just about to turn 18.
So the judge didn’t really take your wishes into account then?
Rory said:
It’s unlikely that anything will be resolved in court before he turns 18. I was in a similar situation, and by the time we got to therapy, I was just about to turn 18.
Not really. They just wanted to enforce the visitation regardless of how I felt.
Your son is old enough to express who he wants to live with. If he doesn’t want to visit his mom, that’s his choice.
It really depends on the state. Some judges don’t want to hear from kids regardless of their age.
I’d recommend going to court with your son to explain why he doesn’t want to visit. Let him speak for himself.
Terry said:
I’d recommend going to court with your son to explain why he doesn’t want to visit. Let him speak for himself.
But isn’t it risky to involve him directly in court? That could create more tension.
Think about what’s best for your son. Is he refusing out of loyalty to you? It’s important for him to have some relationship with his mom, but it should be safe and healthy.
Most states start considering a child’s wishes around 13 or 14. If he doesn’t want to go at 17, it’s unlikely you’ll be in court before he turns 18.
My child was in a similar boat and refused to see their other parent. The judge eventually allowed them to decide for themselves.
If your ex wants to go to court, let her. By the time you have a hearing, your son could be 18 already.