What Should I Include in a Final Custody Order?

Seeking Advice
1

Hey all, I lost a custody battle with my ex and the judge is going to order 50/50 legal and physical custody. The judge said they would consider input from both sides for the final order, and I was wondering what kinds of things I should request to make things smoother. My situation is a bit unusual—my ex refuses to be in the same room as me and doesn’t want therapy for our son, which has been a point of conflict. What are some things I could request to include in the order to help with co-parenting?

2

Make sure to ask for therapy for your son to be included in the order. It’s better to have it in writing, so your ex can’t block it. In some states, both parents need to agree on therapy, so getting it in the order avoids future fights.

3

@Anik
Good idea. I didn’t realize that could be an issue later. I’ll definitely add that in.

4

Right of first refusal is another thing to think about. Basically, if one parent can’t take care of the kid for a certain amount of time (like 4+ hours), the other parent gets the chance to take care of them first. It helps avoid issues where new partners or grandparents are taking care of the kid when you could be.

5

@Haze
Yeah, I think that would help. I don’t want random people watching my kid if I’m available.

6

Definitely ask for communication to go through an app like OurFamilyWizard, especially since your ex doesn’t want to be around you. It’ll keep things clear and minimize direct contact. Plus, messages can’t be deleted, which helps avoid misunderstandings.

7

@Noel
That’s a great idea. It’ll definitely reduce some of the tension.

8

If your ex refuses to be in the same room as you, request that all exchanges happen at a neutral location, like the kid’s school or even a police station. It helps avoid unnecessary conflict during hand-offs.

9

@Nyx
That makes sense. I’ll see if we can have exchanges happen at school.

10

I would also suggest setting up a clear holiday and vacation schedule. Alternate holidays and make sure to include times for pick-up/drop-off to avoid any confusion. Also, be sure to outline who gets to decide on school district and extracurricular activities.

11

@Erie
Yeah, we haven’t worked out holidays yet, so I’ll definitely make sure to ask for that.