Asking for a friend… The agreement says both parents have to agree on extra activities. Mom and dad live 30 minutes apart. The child goes to school near mom’s place, so dad already does a lot of driving. Mom wants to sign the child up for a sport 10 minutes north of her house because ‘his school friends play there.’ Dad says it’s not fair since he already does most of the driving and that the sport should be somewhere in between. There are other leagues closer to both parents.
Mom signed the child up without dad agreeing and didn’t tell him for an entire season, so the child missed half the time. Now, for the second season, mom enrolled him again without discussing it. She says she’s doing ‘what’s best for the child’ because ‘that’s what he wants.’ Dad argues that picking a location is an adult decision and not up to the child.
Both parents have to agree, legally. If dad doesn’t agree with the location, then mom should be the one driving the child to and from practices.
If she refuses, dad should go back to court to fix the issue.
In my case, extracurriculars aren’t in the custody order, but if I sign my kid up for something, I handle the driving. That’s just fair.
It’s great that the child wants to play with school friends, but mom should’ve worked out transportation and made sure everything was planned properly.
Mom is ignoring the court order and making dad look bad while she gets to seem like the ‘good parent.’
Dad is right to be upset. He shouldn’t have to pay for the activity, and the child shouldn’t have to miss half the games.
Dad should find a nearby alternative and suggest it. If mom refuses, then he might need to go back to court or sign the child up for a different league during his time. Mom doesn’t get to make decisions for dad’s time, and dad doesn’t get to make decisions for hers.
Thanks for the responses. Just to clarify—both parents agree that the child should play the sport, but they don’t agree on where.
Also, with school, this would mean 3 hours of driving for dad and 2 hours in the car for the child every school day.
30 minutes to school, 30 minutes back. 30 minutes to pick up, 30 minutes back. 35-40 minutes to the sport, 35-40 minutes back. That’s a lot of time spent in the car on a school night.
@MariaLopez
The agreement says both parents need to agree. That didn’t happen. Mom made the decision alone. Dad should file for contempt and bring proof of messages showing he was open to other locations.
People think 30 minutes isn’t much, but it’s more than that when you add it all up. If someone already drives two hours daily for school, adding another hour or more for sports is a lot.
Signing a child up for a team and making them miss half the season isn’t fair to the child or their team. It’s also not fair to expect one parent to do all the driving while the other makes all the decisions.
Some parents purposely sign kids up for activities farther away just to make the other parent’s life harder. That’s why court orders require both parents to agree.
Judges usually want things to be fair. One parent shouldn’t be stuck with all the driving while the other makes all the plans. If they can’t agree, then maybe the child should be in an individual activity that only happens on mom’s time.
The judge will probably side with mom and might even call out dad for being selfish. This should be about what’s best for the child, not dad’s gas money.
The child should have a say in where they play. Sounds like dad just wants control.
@MariaLopez
If you’re the dad’s partner, you should stay out of it. Going to court over this is ridiculous. Just do what’s best for the kid instead of trying to ‘win.’