Wife took the kids and it’s been 3 weeks… no progress at all

Following up from my last post. It’s been 21 days without any contact with my kids.

We just started the divorce process, and there are no court orders yet. We haven’t even had a custody hearing. At first, things were mostly civil, but when I brought up 50-50 custody, everything changed. I came home one day, and she was gone with the kids.

Since there’s no legal order in place, the police can only do wellness checks. She won’t respond to my messages, won’t let me video call, and won’t allow any time with them.

To make things worse, she filed a false domestic violence restraining order against me. It’s full of lies and exaggerations. The judge granted a temporary stay-away order but didn’t fully approve it. Basically, custody will be dealt with during separation proceedings unless she provides more evidence.

I now have two lawyers—one for the restraining order hearing and another for the divorce. Meanwhile, she’s handling everything herself and using the system against me.

I’ve also submitted a counterclaim with proof of her threats against our kids, herself, and me. I have evidence of her blacking out drunk in front of the kids, breaking things, hitting me, and using marijuana openly while pregnant and breastfeeding.

This whole thing has spiraled out of control. I’ve spoken to over a dozen attorneys, and about half of them gave me consultations. They all say the court will see through what she’s doing, but that feels so far away. I just want to be with my kids.

People keep telling me they hope she gets a lawyer who talks sense into her, but I don’t see that happening. She’s going to drag this out as long as possible. She even lied to the police during a wellness check, saying I never tried to set up visits. Meanwhile, I have texts and emails proving I’ve been reaching out.

Just needed to vent… this is all so overwhelming. If anyone else has been through something like this, I’d love to hear your thoughts. It’s hard to stay strong.

Year 3 for me… already spent $13k on legal fees just in 2024. This never ends.

I keep hearing that ‘the court will see through the lies,’ but honestly, that hasn’t been my experience. My judge has said things like ‘I empathize with the mother’ and ‘I find her to be a reliable witness,’ even when I had proof she lied under oath.

At one point, my attorney pointed out that her PTSD claim wasn’t valid because she had a history of abuse from a family member, not from me. The judge actually got mad at my lawyer for bringing it up.

If I could do this over, I’d hire a female attorney. Seems like it makes a difference.

You’re handling this the right way. I know it’s beyond frustrating, but the legal process moves slowly.

Hopefully, you get a court date soon and can get some temporary custody orders in place.

It sounds like you’re staying as calm and level-headed as possible, which will help in the long run. It’s painful, but keeping your focus on your kids is the best thing you can do right now. The system isn’t perfect, and unfortunately, you probably won’t get ‘justice’ for everything she’s putting you through. But if you stay the course, you’ll at least get proper custody and be able to move forward.

@Caden
Of course, I’m angry, but this isn’t about our relationship issues—that’s why we’re getting divorced. What really hurts is that our kids are caught in the middle for no reason.

I actually feel bad for her in some ways. This isn’t where either of us wanted to end up. I hoped we could co-parent well, maybe even find new partners down the line who would also love our kids.

Looking back, I don’t know why I stayed with her for so long. This whole situation has made me reevaluate everything.

Get ready for a long fight. I’m on year 5 of this nonsense. You’re going to spend more money than you can even imagine on lawyers.

I keep winning attorney fees because my ex keeps filing nonsense cases, but actually getting that money back is another battle. The court system lets people abuse it, and it’s ridiculous.

I’m so sorry you haven’t been able to see your kids. That’s the one thing I didn’t have to go through, and I can’t even imagine how hard it is. Hang in there.

@Brady
Best advice here, sadly.

@Brady
Same here… I’m in year 3.

brianna1 said:
@Brady
Same here… I’m in year 3.

I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. I’m really sorry you’re going through it too.

Brady said:

brianna1 said:
@Brady
Same here… I’m in year 3.

I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. I’m really sorry you’re going through it too.

I appreciate that. I honestly can’t even wrap my head around dealing with this for years. But you’re right—I need to prepare for the worst.

@Rory
It helps to have a good support system and maybe even therapy. You don’t have to go through this alone.