My wife’s ex is planning to file for temporary custody tomorrow, saying that her depression makes her unfit to parent. He’s also pointing to the fact that she’s starting parent-child interaction therapy with their daughter as a sign of this. He hasn’t gotten the order yet, but he’s already refused to give her back during our court-ordered 50/50 custody time. When we called the police, they said it’s a civil matter and they couldn’t help. What steps can we take to fight this and get our daughter back?
It’s strange because in so many cases, the police usually make sure the kids are returned to the other parent during their designated time. Weird that they didn’t get involved!
Technically, it’s her custody arrangement, not yours.
She should contact her attorney immediately and file whatever paperwork is needed to have a judge order the child’s return during her scheduled parenting time.
Also, courts tend to view mental health treatment positively. The fact that she’s going to therapy with her daughter might work in her favor, not against her.
Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT) is great! If he’s trying to use that to claim there’s a problem, maybe the court should be looking at his parenting choices instead.
Your wife needs to get in touch with the attorney who handled her divorce if possible. They’ll already be familiar with the case and the people involved. And you really don’t need to be in direct communication with her ex—it won’t help the situation at all.
My brother went through something similar when he was in the hospital for depression. His ex tried to use it against him in their custody battle, but it didn’t work. If your wife is getting treatment and showing she’s taking steps to improve her mental health, I don’t think her ex will have much success with this tactic.
@Zara
Let’s hope not, but it really depends on the judge and where you are.
I’m not a lawyer, but I’m finishing law school, so maybe this can help a little. Definitely get a lawyer ASAP.
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HIPAA Violation:
It would be illegal for any doctor to share your wife’s medical info, like her diagnosis, without a court order, unless there’s a threat to someone’s safety. Her ex can’t just claim mental health issues without proof, and that’s not easy to get without violating doctor-patient confidentiality. -
Contempt of Court:
Look up ‘contempt of court parenting time’ for your state. The laws are pretty similar everywhere, but it should give you a better idea of how serious it is when a parent refuses to follow a custody order. This could be helpful in getting the child back. Good luck to both of you! I’m rooting for you.
@HarryIan4
FYI, it’s spelled HIPAA, not HIPPA.
Colby said:
@HarryIan4
FYI, it’s spelled HIPAA, not HIPPA.
Oops! Thanks for catching that. 
I’m not a lawyer, but here’s some advice. If your wife hasn’t done anything to harm herself or her child, her ex doesn’t have the right to keep the child. Definitely get an attorney fast. They can file a contempt motion for withholding the child without cause, and hopefully, the judge will see that your wife is actively seeking help to avoid any problems. Just because her ex is filing doesn’t mean he’ll win, and she can request make-up time for the missed days.
Also, police rarely intervene in custody disputes unless the child is in immediate danger.
Lastly, be careful with how your wife refers to her daughter in texts to her ex. She should say ‘our daughter,’ not ‘my daughter,’ to avoid any accusations of parental alienation. Keep the communication about the child only and stay out of it yourself. Anything you say or do could make things worse for her in court.
@Xyla
My wife has a letter from her therapist saying she’s not a danger to herself or anyone else. She’s been seeing a therapist and psychiatrist for years now to manage her depression and bipolar. A lot of her issues are actually because of the years of abuse she suffered from her ex.
@Tatum
Wow, it sounds like her ex is just trying to mess with her head again. Abusers tend to be manipulative like that, and they know how to look good to everyone else.
Florence said:
@Tatum
Wow, it sounds like her ex is just trying to mess with her head again. Abusers tend to be manipulative like that, and they know how to look good to everyone else.
Exactly! That’s exactly what’s happening here.
@Tatum
It’s great that she has that letter. Hopefully, the judge sees through what her ex is doing. It’s frustrating how much can depend on which judge you get, but I’m really hoping they see the truth.
@Xyla
Get the judge to enforce the custody order so the police can step in if this happens again.
Get a lawyer immediately, and with all respect, let your wife handle most of the communication. It’s really important for her to show she’s taking charge of the situation. You stepping in too much could make it seem like she can’t handle it herself, and that might not look good.
The best thing you can do right now is hire an attorney first thing tomorrow. It’s the only way to get her daughter back.
Make sure you talk to a lawyer tomorrow morning. It’s urgent.