So, the judge just ordered temp 50/50 custody. I really wanted more, but my husband wouldn’t budge. It feels like he just wants to hurt me and doesn’t care about how this affects the kids. I’m wondering if anyone thinks I have a chance to get more custody. My husband doesn’t give my kids any attention at all. They get home and he goes straight to his game room and just games all night long and all day while they are at school. He doesn’t brush their hair, doesn’t bathe them, and even gives them moldy water bottles. He has told me he doesn’t care about their happiness, won’t take them outside, and they just sit on their switches all day long. Plus, he puts movies on while they are in bed so they won’t bother his gaming. The other day, I picked them up at 6 and they had only eaten breakfast and were starving. I’ve done everything for them their whole lives—making appointments, signing them up for sports, and getting them there. Please let me know if there’s anything I can do to improve my situation. In Oklahoma, my kids are 6 and 3.
You should definitely get a Guardian Ad Litem (GAL) for the kids. They can help explain that dad isn’t feeding them and is just gaming when they are there.
They didn’t listen to me until I asked for court-ordered therapist reports. A therapist can write reports about what the kids say and why it’s bad for them, plus make a recommendation for you to have them for longer. My kid even testified after that. I also asked for supervised visits in court, but they denied every single one of them. Parents who don’t care often just stop going, and that gives you grounds for abandonment. Get therapy involved, for sure. And record every single conversation and screenshot everything. If your kids say they are starving, get that on record too. They might not let you use those recordings in court, but at least you’ll have them for your own notes.
I’m just curious why none of this was brought up during your hearings. Did you discuss these issues with your attorney?
Honestly, I tried asking my attorney about this. I wanted to know if she told the judge about all the stuff, but she kept ignoring me and telling me it’s normal to calm down. I think I’ve lost faith in her.
Did you not read any of the motions filed on your behalf or attend the hearings? Did the judge order 50-50 custody, or was it negotiated? You say you wanted more custody but your husband wouldn’t agree. Was there an evidentiary hearing on record? Did you have proof of the allegations you’re making against your husband? Because if you just planned to testify without supporting documents or witnesses, your attorney was probably right to warn you about that.
The attorneys discussed it, but my husband wouldn’t agree to anything other than 50/50, so they took it to the judge in her office, and I wasn’t there. I gave my attorney at least 40 pages of evidence and witness statements, but I haven’t been in front of the judge myself.
You might consider hiring another attorney to look over the previous proceedings in detail. I agree with others suggesting you gather more admissible evidence and expert opinions before you go back for another round.
You should get a new attorney, one you feel more confident in. Also, consider getting the kids into counseling. If he’s neglecting them, the counselor will hear about it from the kids. They likely need someone to talk to anyway.
@Clementine
That’s a really good idea, thank you. They have been acting out at school now, and I’m really sad for them.
If they are acting out at school, ask the teachers to take notes about it, like the date and what they did. It could show a pattern you can use in court, plus give the counselor more to work with.
Document everything and definitely get a lawyer.
This sounds really awful to witness. Your kids are so young, and I think he’ll probably start just giving them to you more because he’s too lazy. Just make sure you document everything. I’m sorry your lawyer couldn’t get more than 50-50 for you.
Thank you, it has been awful. I was begging him to spend time with us for years.